Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

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Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lantern on Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:16 am

Hi everyone! I'm so pleased to have discovered that this forum exists as a resource. I'm still in the process of trying on the demisexual and/or gray-A labels for size, so it's great to find a place where I can actually talk to people about it.

I'm no stranger to questioning my sexuality. I went through a period of uncertainty in my first years of college, eventually started identifying as bisexual and queer, and for a while, it was a relief. It seemed like I'd finally figured myself out! Now, at 23, though, something still doesn't fit. I've never had sex, and only rarely felt I was repressing the urge to do anything remotely sexual with another person (e.g., kiss my best friend for whom I'd developed romantic and sexual attraction). I'm generally oblivious to flirting unless it's pointed out, and although I would love to have a romantic relationship with someone, I've never felt that going on dates with people I don't know was likely to lead anywhere.

When I first stumbled across the concept of demisexuality, I was curious, but I put it in the back of my mind after some (very) cursory reading. Frankly, I've spent so much time thinking that I'm just fundamentally awkward--maybe broken--that the answer seemed too easy. And besides, at that point, I hadn't read much of anything on different types of attraction (romantic, aesthetic, sexual), nor on the distinction between sex drive and sexual attraction. I have a sex drive, I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I definitely experience romantic crushes, so I figured that (primary) sexual attraction was a given.

A few days ago, demisexuality popped up on my radar again. This time, it was in the form of a personal comic that someone had posted on Tumblr, and the narrative was engaging enough that I found myself wanting to read more. And the more I discovered, the more I started to think, "Wow. This does seem to fit me." Because when I think back over my attractions, there have been maybe three in my real life that were undeniably sexual. All these have been to people that I knew well, albeit in different ways and to different degrees. True, there's been the occasional fictional character, but it was never until I'd watched or read quite a lot about them; I'm given to understand from other internet sources that this is not uncommon for demis. I still don't know for sure that the somewhat different pull I've felt in other situations was NOT sexual attraction, but that's what I'm trying to sort out for the moment.

So that's me! I imagine I'll be around here a fair bit trying to sort out the "what is sexual attraction, and when do I feel it?" issue. I look forward to getting to know you all!

Lantern
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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by clovercris on Wed Jan 08, 2014 9:07 pm

Hey, welcome!
I'm so oblivious to flirting its actually painful. I didn't even consider it as a part of identifying as a demisexual. The more you know.

Can I get a link to that tumblr comic? It looks interesting! Smile

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http://caringosity.tumblr.com

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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lantern on Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:07 pm

Thanks!

I'm so oblivious to flirting its actually painful. I didn't even consider it as a part of identifying as a demisexual.

You know, I'm not really sure if they're related, but I figure it's partly based in sexual attraction for most people--so if you're not usually attracted to anyone, it might be harder to figure out when they're trying to show they're attracted to you via flirting. Just my theory!

Oh, and here's the link for you  Smile 
"Demi" Part One: Being Demisexual

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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lims on Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:41 pm

Welcome welcome friend! Very Happy it's okay to be questioning and I hope you find all the answers you're looking for! Smile If there's any way I can help please don't hesitate to send me a message Smile Hope to see you around the forum a bit :3
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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lantern on Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:15 pm

Thank you! I'm doing a little bit of browsing around at the moment--not really sure what I'm looking for, other than reading others' experiences and seeing how they match up with my own. But perhaps I'll have an idea for a new conversation one of these days. It would be nice to see a little more activity on the forum, small though it may be.  Smile

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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lims on Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:14 pm

Definitely! Very Happy I try to check back daily but college is a little hefty at the moment so it's a little difficult but at least every few days, so if yo ever do wanna talk no problem Smile
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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lantern on Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:29 am

Great, and good luck with your studies! I'm on a brief hiatus between undergrad and graduate school, so I have unprecedented amounts of free time. Smile

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Re: Hello from a newly-discovered (possible?) demisexual

Post by Lims on Fri Jan 17, 2014 5:49 am

Thank you! ^_^ Well in any case I hope to see ya around the forum Smile
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