Dinosaurs, Aliens, and Other Weirdos!

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Dinosaurs, Aliens, and Other Weirdos!

Post by cheesygrits on Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:48 pm

TIL about demisexuality, and I am both elated and afraid. I'm unsure how much personal backstory all y'all are interested in, so I'll try not to overdo it.

I am 28, cis-female, and a perpetual bachelor. I identify as lesbian because it's easier. While I prefer women, I have no sexual aversion to men.  I joke that I'm the queen of one night stands because I just don't like people. It's true but not in the cantankerously funny way my friends imagine. All my relationships end when we have sex. The other person always wants it before I do. I oblige, and it feels good in a purely physical way, but afterward everything gets awkward, and I just don't want to be near them. I avoid or dump them, and I'm the callous asshole.

That's not to say I have no interest in sex, but it's definitely not in the same fashion as people around me. People talk about getting hot for passing strangers and celebrities, but the best I can commit to is, "Yeah, they look nice." That doesn't put me out, merely make me shake my head, but it seemed relevant in light of everything I've read today.

I have frequently had crushes on friends, but I've been unable to act on them because of unfavorable circumstances or conflicting orientations. That raises the question of if I'm crushing because they're unavailable and I know I'll be safe in unrequited affection or if I'm crushing because I've gotten to know them without the pressure of sex looming overhead. What if there are people I can have sex with and people I can have relationships with, but they are two sets that will never meet?

I've considered that maybe something's wrong with me. After all, I'm the common denominator in all my failed relationships. Maybe I'm incapable of forming deep and meaningful attachments? Except I know that's not true. I love my family and my friends passionately, and I have no trouble sussing out worthy people from the crowd and building friendships with them. Maybe I'm bad at sex? So when I leave, they're just happy to see me go. Either way, I'm just put together wrong somehow. I'm strange in other ways that are only tangentially related, so it's not out of the realm of possibility.

So as much as I want a relationship and a family with all the intimacy and domesticity and passion and, yes, sex, that it comes with, I've sort of resigned myself to not being fit for human consumption. This is not coming out as smoothly or coherently as I wanted it to, but I'm also working through what it could mean if this definition of sexuality applies to me and what it could mean if there are other people like me out there.
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Re: Dinosaurs, Aliens, and Other Weirdos!

Post by Halfling on Fri Oct 31, 2014 6:55 am

Hi Cheesygrits.
Welcome here Smile
Since I'm not sure to have grasped everything you meant that well, I'm gonna say it my way so you tell me if I'm wrong ^^ So, you seem to have no sexual attraction toward strangers, but you end up having ONS with people (strangers anyway, or people you know ? I'm confused about that part). You enjoy sex but not afterward.
It seems to me that you dissociate sex and feelings and can't get both at a time, am I right ? It makes me think of someone I read on a forum, who said he couldn't have sex with the people he was in love with, and didn't have any feelings for the people he slept with.
Maybe that's what you feel ?
Or maybe not, maybe you feel bad about the people you slept with because you didn't have any feelings for them and that it felt wrong afterward ? We talked about that in an other topic : here. That could mean you wouldn't feel the same way if you had sex with people you've a crush on.

I hope it brings ideas to help see things clearer for you. Hope I'm not too wrong about what I understood from your story.^^'

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