Possibility of demiromanticism?

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Possibility of demiromanticism?

Post by dRBY on Fri Jul 04, 2014 10:55 pm

So, I posted in the demisexuality discussion about me being demisexual, and I'm thinking that I'm probably demisexual, though I think I'm going to let that one sit for a while.

Because I have what my boyfriend has described as a "high romantic drive," I assumed I wasn't demiromantic. After all, when I'm single, I'm almost always (at least subconsciously) looking for someone to date. Even so, I've always considered myself slow. Despite the fact that I'm a naturally spontaneous person, when it comes to developing a romantic attraction for them I usually get to know them better. As I was looking through the definition thread, I saw this definition for primary romantic attraction:
Primary Romantic Attraction: "Love at first sight", any romantic attraction that occurs without prior platonic friendship. Does not automatically imply short-term acquaintance or interaction, and can be with an effective stranger; only implies lack of prior friendship.
While I definitely experience secondary romantic attraction, pretty powerfully, as far as I'm aware, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I have ever experienced primary romantic attraction. Since puberty, I have always had a period of anywhere from 1 week to multiple months (or in one case a couple years) of being someone's friend before I start to be romantically interested in them.

However, I don't know if romantic attraction means that you would say yes on the spot if they asked you to date them, or if you are considering the possibility of a relationship with that attractive person, even if you would say no if they asked you out at that point. If romantic attraction is the first one, I believe I am a demiromantic. If the second definition is accurate, than I am not.

I'd just like someone else's thoughts on this.
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Re: Possibility of demiromanticism?

Post by rainingsand on Tue Jul 15, 2014 11:23 pm

I must admit I've no real knowledge in the area, but perhaps this website might help?
http://aroplane.org/

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Re: Possibility of demiromanticism?

Post by dRBY on Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:40 pm

Thanks so much! This is helpful Smile
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Re: Possibility of demiromanticism?

Post by Halfling on Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:09 am

I'm sorry to up this quite old topic, but I was talking with a friend yesterday about demisexuality (and I got all the shitty reactions people talked about in this forum....) and I found myself wondering about demiromanticism.
What you're quoting dRBY about "primary romantic attraction" , the "love at first sight" thing, is commonly known to be kind of rare among people. Most people have to "build" love feelings, by learning to know each others before feeling love attraction. Very few people experiment those "instant love attraction" for people they see for the first time.
So, can "love after knowing eachothers" be called "demiromanticism" ? I'm not sure about it. Most of the time, feelings grow, they don't appear from nothing just as the sight of the person. I myself experiment friendship crushs, like "love (friendly) at first sight". I feel and know really quickly if I'm gonna like someone, even without having talked to them, just by watching them and/or listening to them. But that's quite unusual (and in fact I only know one person living the same thing, and it's the friend I talked to yesterday...)

So is there a real need of a term like "demiromanticism" to describe something most people experiment logically ? The "knowing the other person" part can be for some very short or on the contrary can take quite a long time, but isn't it the way love (and feelings in general) works ? The "love at first sight" thing is in my opinion what's rare. Not having experimented it doesn't mean (again, that's only my opinion) having a very special way of falling in love..

That being said, I'm wondering if demiromanticism could be more as the "very long" version of needing to know the other one before feeling love. Needing significatively longer time than usual to get to be romantically attracted ? The fact of not being really looking for someone (to love) may also enter in the definition but I don't really know what to think about it. I mean, lots of people doesn't seek love because they're to busy with their work or their carrier, or things like that. Like some sexual people don't specifically look for having sex, even if they could easily go on one night stand if they would like to. That for me is a sex drive thing, not an orientation thing. So is the lack of "seeking" regarding love. It could just be seen as "low romantic drive" couldn't it ?

Well, I'm curious about what's your thoughts about all of that.. Smile

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