I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not...

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I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not...

Post by Ochre on Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:00 pm

I've only ever been sexually attracted to one person, I've known him for three years now and at first I just really liked him (it had been the same with everyone else I'd dated) but at some point a long the way I started to feel sexually attracted to him (this was after knowing him for about 6 months during which I almost constantly talked to him). After about 10 months I had to break things off for personal reasons, but I've felt no sexual attraction for anyone since. I was starting to think maybe I was a-sexual but then I always thought about what I felt for him and knew I couldn't be. I've also felt attraction to girls but not in the same way, and it's only been after I've become emotionally attached to them in some way. Especially at the moment I have this one friend and I get really upset when she's not online and I can't talk to her (she lives in another country), it's not anything sexual but I feel really strongly attracted to her like I want to talk with her all the time, and it reminds me of how I felt for the guy I dated before I became sexually attracted to him.

Everyone else I've been in a relationship with I've been comfortable kissing but I've always felt awkward when we do anything more, I just really don't know if I'm demisexual or grey-A or something else and it's really confusing me. I was wondering if someone could please give me their opinion about this, maybe it could help me come to some kind of a conclusion.
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Ochre
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Re: I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not...

Post by rainingsand on Mon Jul 08, 2013 9:16 pm

Hey Ochre. From what you've said, it sounds like either grey or demi would work for you, depending on which feels more comfortable for you. I don't really have much experience in the demi area, being grey myself, but I'd be willing to talk it out with you if you'd like.

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Re: I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not...

Post by howyoufeel_org on Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:23 pm

I often think and split on it, romantic attraction, sexual attraction and libido.
I can not help to find "your label" but I can tell you how I feel as a demi-romantic and demi-sexual.

For me I am pretty hardwired with romantic attraction first and then sexual attraction when the romantic bound is in place (but it can take longer).
First I have to be friends, then if I get a crush and get love drunk, the love drunk has to pass before the sexual attraction can start (3 step rocket).

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Re: I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not...

Post by Halfling on Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:53 am

Hi Ochre.
As Howyoufeel said, can't tell you what label fit you most, but I can tell you how it works for me.
Ochre wrote:Everyone else I've been in a relationship with I've been comfortable kissing but I've always felt awkward when we do anything more, I just really don't know if I'm demisexual or grey-A or something else and it's really confusing me.

I never felt awkward when going further than kissing with people I loved. Because I loved them. (after having been friends for more than a year each...) But when I tried to get in a relationship with friends who were in love with me, thinking maybe love for them would come after, with time, like it seemed to work for other people, I felt awkward when kissing, and even more when going further... I kind of hated myself, feeling like... like yielding my body, it was really awful for me.
So well, I don't think being demi would involve an awkwardness in sexual situations with someone you love. Unless you weren't in love in the first place..?

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