Demisexual Problems

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Demisexual Problems

Post by SOutrage on Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:42 am

Okay so basically, I'm a Demisexual or at-least Demisexual is the only sexuality which makes sense to how my mind works, anyway I've had prior relationships etc.. and my friends have always just presumed I was Gay, I'm really stuck with this because I'm going through a lot of mental torrents with things at the moment having just moved to a new city and trying to make new friends.
However im finding it increasingly more and more awkward to talk to my old friends about being Demisexual, i tried explaining it to a couple of them and they just blankly stared at me and said "I don't get it." and I'm just wondering if any of you guys have had the same sort of thing with friends of yours? and if you have is there an easy way to kind of explain how i feel to them without mentally mind-f**king them.
It's just I'm so far away from home now and i miss my old friends and its like I'm getting further apart and not just because of the distance. I guess I'm just scared if i spring the whole Demisexual thing on them they may just up and disappear from my life all together?
Advice anyone?

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Re: Demisexual Problems

Post by Aisling on Thu Dec 27, 2012 4:35 am

You could refer them to AVEN and/or DG, or you could try to simplify it as, "I just don't feel attraction the same way you guys do, and it looks like I'm being 'picky', but that's not the way it is."

A useful question to ask yourself about it is "Why do they need to know this?"

Is it detrimental to your interactions if they are unaware? For instance, do they try setting you up on dates, or do they have overtly sexual discussions which make you uncomfortable? If you can't trust them to understand what you're explaining, you could still try for, "Please stop doing [undesirable behaviour]. It makes me uncomfortable."

Much of the time, people may not understand the reasons for something, but they can understand straightforward instructions on how not to make a situation worse.
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Re: Demisexual Problems

Post by KokoroComplex on Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:30 am


You and me both, man. I tried explaining to my friend and she just says, "you just haven't dated enough, you should try speed dating." And I thought, "uhhh, no. Speed dating is not going to change this demisexuality." Because she thinks the more people I hang out with, I will be like, "oh, I want to have sex with him" *poof* demisexuality disappears. Fortunately, I (think I) have some friends that get it. I would say, "I don't feel the sexual attraction towards people like most people do. I have to be in a deeply, emotional, romantic connection to feel sexual attraction" or "It's kind of like being asexual until you get into a strong, emotional connection. When you get there, you start to feel sexual attraction towards your partner." And explaining that we do have libidos (even if some of us have lower libidos) but it has nothing to do with sexual attraction (for example, saying that demis or grey A's sometimes feel the need to get off, but if there is a person they're not emotionally connected to romantically, it won't really work out) and saying romantic and sexual attractions are two different things.

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