No more lurking, I want to say hi.

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No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by misskooky on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:54 am

I'm new to all this, the forum AND grey aces. I mean I only realised the other day that I think I'm demi after reading the term and looking it up.
So being the huge nerd that I am the first thing I did when I thought 'my god, that's actually me' was to try and find an internet community to nestle into. So hi, I'm Rhi and its nice to meet you.

I really just want to connect to people who identify the same, because everywhere, even among the LGBTI groups I'm involved in I have always felt a bit alien, without really knowing why, and I have this need to just... fit in for once. Maybe if I'm lucky, finally understand who the hell I am.

I had always thought I was broken to be honest, that I had been damaged. That I should be working on fixing my inability to function like a regular normal human being instead of making excuses. That perhaps with strict control and practice I could eventually repair myself and find it natural to behave like everyone else.

I've identified as a lot of things over my life, not because I changed my mind or anything, more updating my understanding as new information about myself and also sexuality came into light.
I first thought I was straight, since I had a boyfriend. That was pretty straightforward (punnnnnns get it?) but then when I got feelings for a girl that became confusing. Then after tentatively coming out as bi (which meant avoiding the question mostly) I met a trans man and that threw me again since I realised that there were many beautiful people that didn't fit in to the binary genders, and perhaps I should review the 'bi' part.

I eventually came across the term 'pansexual' (after telling people I was an "I-don't-give-a-s**t-sexual, so stop asking already") and found that that applied to my beleif that someone's gender identity and/or what they were packing in their pants didn't matter to me. 'I fall in love with people, not bodies' I said.

I think the best thing I learnt was only recently, when that documentary came out and I got a schooling on asexuality and the difference between aromantic and romantics. It really did sound so beautiful, that people could have relationships based on love and romance without the NEED for sex. It's kind of what I wanted, the romance. The sex was never the main event in my eyes. So I prefixed my 'pan' with 'romantic'.

But when I found AVEN's wiki on demi, it was such a releif... here I was thinking that I was broken when all I was was different. I've known for a while that I just CANT get the dirty on with someone I don't love, it's not a choice, it's just a fact. I thought it was because something had happened to me, and that if it hadn't I might be a 'real' person, who can interact normally without a personal space the size of a planet and a tendancy to punch people who touch me.
I actually cried you know. Just because of how sweet it felt to finally understand that part of me and not feel guilty that I hadn't fixed myself.

And to whoever wrote the part about primary and secondary attraction, I really owe you one. Words are so important in how we understand ourselves, they are thoughts given form. So to stumble across someone writing what I have always felt but been unable to explain, was amazing. And also shocking.

I shared it with my best friend, and my partner. Of course my best mate was like "yep, that's it, that's you" but the really beautiful thing was my partner just taking it in stride, reading it, absorbing it, and not giving a rats. We haven't been together for long, but I feel like our relationship is so much deeper now, since when I tell him I love him i don't have to go "no really, seriously dude, this is special. You don't understand what you mean to me." he knows a little bit more what it means to me that we can be completely together.

This whole epiphany, I wasn't actually prepared for it, since I was only reading out of curiosity. It was like when you catch your reflection in a mirror when you're not expecting and your whole brain goes "MY GOD" before you realise it's a mirror. That feeling from an article on a website I was only reading so I would understand the jokes on factaboutqueers.



I am sorry for the textwall there, you don't have to read it, but it's been a huge mind blowing experience for me, these last few days so I'm pretty excited. And I do truly just want to chat and be involved with other people who feel the same, and after lurking in this place for a while, everyone just seems so lovely and understanding of each other.

So yeah, hi. I'm pleased to meet you all.







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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Aisling on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:54 pm

Thanks so much for joining us! We really appreciate your introduction and the time you clearly put into it. Hopefully this forum will serve you well in your journey of self-discovery and -understanding. Smile
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by misskooky on Sun Jul 15, 2012 2:00 pm

Thanks heaps Smile i really hope so. Everyone here seems so nice, I think I'll be spending a bit of time here in the future.
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Aisling on Sun Jul 15, 2012 2:05 pm

Awesome! Very Happy We look forward to communicating more with you. We apologize in advance if the forum action is a little slow nowadays.
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by misskooky on Sun Jul 15, 2012 2:08 pm

Don't apologise! That it's here at all is impressive and awesome.
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Splash414 on Tue Jul 17, 2012 3:44 am

Welcome! I am a lurker-member but saying hi.

Those primary/secondary attraction descriptions really helped me, too.

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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Aisling on Tue Jul 17, 2012 3:50 am

Welcome to the DG, Splash!
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Splash414 on Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:06 am

Oh, I introduced myself a bit ago... was saying hi to misskooky. I just don't talk much. Thanks though!

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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by Aisling on Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:07 am

Heh, sorry about that. We failed to notice your post count. >_<
Thanks for clarifying. ^_^ Welcome anyway, a third time. Wink
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Re: No more lurking, I want to say hi.

Post by misskooky on Tue Jul 17, 2012 5:41 am

Smile Thanks Splash, hi!
I always lurk until I figure out what NOT to say so I don't inadvertantly upset someone with poorly worded posts. I'm the worst for it.
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