Alcohol and consent

So, I understand and absolutely respect the dialogue around "it's not consent if alcohol is involved." That makes a lot of sense as a general statement.

However: my personal experience, I only feel able to edge toward sexual activity when I've consumed some alcohol. Whether it actually lowers my inhibitions or provides me with an excuse in thinking it has, I don't know. But having decided before consumption that I want to use alcohol to enable sexytimes, I feel like this is valid, and somewhat necessary for me, and I don't think it invalidates notions of consent. Still, it troubles me a bit, as it certainly isn't how you're "supposed to" do things.

I guess I'm looking for fellow experiences, and opinions? How do you integrate mindstate-altering substances into your sense of self and of a/grey/demi/sexuality? Into relations with other people? How do you reconcile activism around consent with personal experiences which feel more murky? And similar questions.


Please note I am in no way condoning illegal activities, underage drinking, etc etc, all that, and I know this topic may not apply to all forum-goers.

I actually agree with you about this. Many times that I made "the first move" when I identified as a sexual involved some level of alcohol.

I was actually talking about my "drunk values" with people today and I realize that they are strange in that I rarely do things that I know I will regret in the morning (at least big things). I've never done anything drunk that involved anybody's clothes being removed because I was never comfortable with that. And when I'm drunk, sex is the last thing on my mind, I just want somebody to cuddle and make out with. The problem is that when you're around sexuals...well, I have good friends and good drinking buddies who understand that and I'm thankful for them ^_^

I do think that if I wanted to do something to enable "sexytime" I wouldn't try alcohol simply because it makes me less sexual but more of a tease.

I also find that alcohol tends to make it more likely for me to be sexual with another person, when I am feeling desperate for contact of any kind. I am more willing to try to 'be sexual' in hopes of filling this need when I've had a bit to drink. I'm also slightly less repulsed by sex then (I'm mildly repulsed by it much of the time otherwise).

However I also tend to look warily at that set-up because it was being drunk and wanting attention that led to me getting assaulted. I suppose if you go into drinking with the conscious idea of having sex, then if that works for you as consent that is fine. It has to be what you as a person are emotionally comfortable with, that's most important.