Demi Grace
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Post by GiantRobot Sun Aug 04, 2013 11:09 am

Finally gathered up the courage to join here!

I recently discovered what demisexuality is and found it to perfectly match me. Luckily for me, the friends I've told are very open, congratulated me, and one was even the one that told me about it (she's asexual). I say most because I haven't told all my friends, though te city we live in is very liberal (where even the school district requires a QSA and every teacher to have a sticker on their door or classroom that explicitly states it is a safe place for queerfolk). Even my trans* friend is called the proper pronoun!

Anyways, I'm very happy to have found this. I always thought of myself as Extremely Picky, and maybe kind of a snob. I can't form bonds with people whose personality I dislike of course, so even if I found them aesthetically attractive, once they said or did something wrong, BAM, all the desire to get to know them was gone. A lot of the times I don't even find them aesthetically attractive anymore.
My mom worried (dad was happy though! Hahaha) and asked me if I just didn't like people.
There was a boy I thought looked like Tatsuya Fujiwara in 9th grade and she insisted I ask him out, to which I'd always say "BUT I DON'T KNOW HIM AT ALL! I can't date him!" and to her that was weird because "dating is how you get to know each other".
She coerced me into dating someone I'd been friends with in elementary school but who I'd lost most contact with after we moved. People change a LOT between 5th grade and 10th grade! So to me, it was the same as dating somebody new.
What's worse is that I'd been cultivating an amazing friendship with a friend of mine. We rode the same school bus and would talk away about physics, math, our world views, etc. it was a perfect way to form a bond, and even though I had been quite indifferent about him (and not even remotely attracted to his physique), I began to really like him!
I couldn't bond with my boyfriend because all he told were bad jokes and stories about stupid thigs he did with his friends. The quality of conversation was nowhere near my friend's and mine. I broke up with him, but got coerced into dating him again after my friend didn't reciprocrate my feelings and my mom kept calling me rude for breaking up woth him over "basic human flaws". I hated it. I tried to make a connection for a YEAR and found nothing. We were in a car crash together and I thought we would emotionally bond over that BUT NOPE. It was hell. What tipped me over was him saying Johnny Depp had been the only nice person to him because he STOOD near him.

My mom kept calling me picky because I simply refused to date anyone just because he looked good, or he liked me, or we shared one interest. She was upset that I was so hung up over my friend. I tried dating a boy I had had a crush on in 8th grade. We are both artists, so we really understood each other's points of view on things. However he too had changed quite a bit, plus in an attempt to have a "normal" relationship, I would cuddle up to him but then freeze up with anxiety. It was a train wreck.
I haven't dated since. Needless to say, my friend is still the only person I'd consider dating and I don't see myself loving anyone else unless we got even CLOSER than he and I did. It feels pretty hopeless at this point, considering most people attracted to me are very much so sexual and I know I cannot deal with that, and that they'd get sick of bonding. Or they'd probably hate me if I told them that I would only have sex with someone I feel close enough to marry, which would mean he'd have to wait! Hahaha.

But yeah. Woops, I typed my whole life story here. I'm just glad there are other folks that are like me and that I AM NOT AN ANOMALY OF NATURE! Huzzah!


Posts : 2
Join date : 2013-08-04

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Post by Halfling Sat Aug 10, 2013 6:35 am

Hi there,
First of all, I must say I'm pretty amazed about your school district <3

I can relate a lot in some point of your story, most of all about the feeling of 'hopelessness'. It was very recurrent to me to feel.. kinda tired about thinking of dating. Because I was like "it require getting to know someone as a friend, like for a year or two, without knowing if I would even develop love for the friend in question after that..." -_- So it was meaning spending a lot of time, energy and it sometimes seemed to me really desperated.
But well, it worths the effort.


Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

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Post by Jenna Vain Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:05 pm

Hi Smile It's great that you have open people around you. I can't say the same. In my society asexuality, demisexuality, transsexuality, homosexuality, everything that is not heterosexuality is just alien-ity or a disorder.
Jenna Vain
Jenna Vain

Posts : 9
Join date : 2011-10-09
Age : 32
Location : GrudziÄ…dz, Poland

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Post by Aisling Thu Aug 15, 2013 1:12 am

Welcome to the DG! We're very glad to hear your environment engaging in such progressive social practice.

Posts : 334
Join date : 2011-08-28
Location : Illinois

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