Respectful Language and Policy on Demi Grace

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Respectful Language and Policy on Demi Grace

Post by Aisling on Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:33 pm

Honestly, I think this is something the community should have a hand in making. I'm going to leave this as a completely open, postable thread. I will of course delete posts that are intentionally offensive, erasing, or triggering... but beyond that, feel free to reply with what you might consider an unwritten rule or social grace that it would benefit other forum members to know and utilize when interacting with other demisexuals and grey-aces.

If something looks like a darn good idea, I will copy and paste it into this first post, with a little credit to your username, all this in the form of a numbered list.

Well, folks... have at it! How would you like to be treated by others here? What are the dos and don'ts of the demi and grey-a community?

1. No dismissing demisexuality, asexuality and grey-a as “fake”, “choices” or saying they are not orientations. This site is for those who identify as demisexual or grey-a, or think they might be, as well as some asexuality posts here and there. Many here consider “demisexual”, “asexual” or “grey-a” their orientation and it is rude, inconsiderate and in some cases, just plain ignorant to tell people their orientation “isn’t real”. If you believe it is not legitimate, keep it to yourself. This is intended to be a positive site for a practically invisible orientation.

2a. If you do not use labels, that is fine, but don’t attack those who do.
2b. If you use labels, that is fine, but don’t attack those who don’t.

3. No harassing other members about their orientation, gender, etc, or what they have posted.

[These rules courtesy of, and slightly edited to fit this site. If the original writer objects to me reposting them here, I will re-write in such a manner as to avoid offence-by-plagiarism. Beyond that, I think they're a fantastic start to the thread.]

Last edited by Tegid on Thu Sep 08, 2011 12:17 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Respectful Language and Policy on Demi Grace

Post by Wineblood on Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:13 am

[4.] Do not define the limits of greyness. If someone identifies as grey and they experience what you think is "too much" or "too little" sexuality, you have no right to tell them what they are (asexual or sexual). Same goes for pushing asexuals/sexuals into the grey area.

[5.] Demisexuality is not the same as being sexual but very picky. It takes a lot for us to develop sexual feelings towards someone and before that there is nothing sexual, that's just the way it works.

Admin: These are fantastic examples of exactly what we're wanting in this thread. Thanks, Wineblood!

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Re: Respectful Language and Policy on Demi Grace

Post by epochryphal on Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:18 am

Hmm... I don't like the phrase "political correctness" because it implies that one's motivation is to be popular and win political office - basically, it's for selfish reasons, rather than because it's simply the right thing to do to respect and interact with other people. It has this connotation of media censorship, which leads to comparisons to cursewords and an idea that hurtful language is simply edgy (and ripe for comedic usage).

"Respectful Language" is a lot more straightforward, prompts the right responses, and is harder to deride. ("You're just obsessed with political correctness, I can't keep up with it" versus "You're obsessed with...being respectful..?")

That note aside, a (wordy?) proposition:

[6.] Do not dismiss any non-heterosexual orientation as "default" or "the most common." This excludes speculation on how many people might fit our definitions without identifying in the grey spectrum, but don't forget the people here have a reason for seeking out grey-specific space.

Admin: Good one. Also, adjusting thread title; I agree that Respectful Language carries far fewer possible negative connotations than PC, even though PC isn't technically about popularity.
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