Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

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Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:30 pm

Okey dokey, folks, here is my mock-up dictionary of potentially-relevant terms in this forum. Not counting links to Wikipedia etc., I pretty much wrote this all off the top of my head; this means some things may come off slightly less Politically Correct and Inoffensive than I am trying to make them.

There are two dictionaries on this forum. The other is found here: http://demigrace.forumotion.com/t62-tegid-s-glossary-an-experiment-in-perception-and-meaning#320.
At the time of this posting, they are identical in everything except the original post, and the fact that this thread is open to replies, and that thread is locked to replies.
If you want to know why the other dictionary is locked, feel free to follow that link and read the original post.

This dictionary exists for the sole purpose of representing with as much precision as possible the views and meanings assigned these terms by the members of Demi Grace. This is your dictionary. If you want a change made, talk about it in this thread. If contradicting definitions come up, I'll post them both, with less-popular contradicting definitions in olive text.
The most popular definition of a set that contradict each other will be in regular black text.
Unless a definition is requested that is triggering, harassing, obvious nonsense trolling, or in violation of the terms of service... I'll post it. Smile

If you wish me to specifically alter or correct something in this list, or add something, I request that you talk about it in this very thread, quoting specifically what you believe needs to be changed. I won't limit the dictionary to just what I think about these terms; that's what the other one is for.

Thank you!


-----
Prefixes and Suffixes:


A- "not" or "without", pertaining to somebody who does not have a specific type of attraction or feeling, either romantic or sexual.

Allo- "other", pertaining to somebody who experiences a type of attraction or feeling (eg. sexual, romantic, platonic) for people other than themselves; opposite of A- and Auto-. "Veri-" is a less-used synonym of Allo-.

Andro- "man", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as male or masculine; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

Androgyno- "man-woman", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as androgynous or present androgynously; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

Auto- "self", pertaining to somebody who experiences a type of attraction or feeling (eg. sexual, romantic, platonic) for themselves; opposite of A- and Allo-.

Bi- "two (or more)", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people falling into at least two gender or sex categories; in society this tends to be taken to imply the male-female binary, but it can and often does also apply to non-binary genders. (For example, a bisexual person might be attracted to men and nonbinary individuals, or to agender individuals, women, and genderfluid people. Bi is strictly "two or more," and it doesn't specify which two.) "Pan-" and "Omni-" are subsets of "Bi-" and "Poly- / Multi-". Anybody who self-describes as any of these prefixes, romantically or sexually, can also reasonably self-describe as Bi-, Poly-, or Multi- within that orientation, if they choose. Asserting that "bi-" only refers to men-and-women or gay-and-straight-at-the-same-time is either biphobic or unaware of the actual definition chosen by bisexual and biromantic people.

Demi- "half", pertaining to somebody who is viewable as "half (a)sexual" and/or "half (a)romantic" spectra of sexual and romantic attraction; is not the same as Semi-.

Gender- pertaining to the mental, emotional, behavioural, social, and other nonphysical characteristics of a person, by which they self-categorize and/or are socially categorized as male, female, agender, pangender, genderqueer, gender-fluid, or any other number of gender identities. It occurs as a prefix in such terms as genderqueer and genderfluid.

Gyno- "woman", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as female or feminine; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

Hetero- "different", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at those of a different sex or gender as themselves; in society this tends to imply subscribing to the sexual male-female binary.

Homo- "same", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at those of the same sex or gender as themselves.

Hyper- "over", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual drives are much stronger than the average.

Hypo- "under", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual drives are much weaker than the average.

Iso- "same, even," pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual drives are in the range of typical or average; one who is not hyper- or hypo- romantic or sexual.

Mono- "one", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at one specific gender and/or sex. Generally includes homo-, hetero-, gyno-, andro-, androgyno-, and neutro-  -romantic/-sexual. Excludes bi-, multi-, poly-, pan-, and omni- -romantic/-sexual. A person who does not wish to use homo- or hetero- (thereby avoiding self-reference and implications about their own gender/sex) can use mono- to indicate that they are only attracted to one gender/sex, and they can use it in reference to genders/sexes not described easily through Latin or Greek roots or other common terms (ex. "hijra-monosexual" or "post-op-FTM-monoromantic", etc.)

Multi- "more than one," pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual attraction is to more than one gender. Synonymous with Poly- and Bi-; anybody using any of these three prefixes can reasonably use the other two as well.

Neutro- "neither of two", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as agender/null-gender, neutrois, or gender-neutral; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

Non- "not" or "zero",  pertaining to somebody who does not have a specific type of desire, urge, or drive, either romantic drive or libido.

Omni- "all", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at absolutely any gender or sex; common use implies non-exclusive application to human beings, meaning that this person could potentially find other sentient species attractive... provided they exist.

Pan- "all", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at absolutely any or all genders or sexes; common use implies exclusive application to human beings. For all other intents and purposes, its meaning is identical to Omni, so until aliens are discovered, omniromantic/sexual would be identical to panromantic/sexual. It is a subset of multi-, poly-, and bi-, and anybody using this term or omni- can reasonably self-define as multi-, poly-, or bi-.

Phallo- "penis", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at somebody whose genitals are in conformation with DMAB (designated male at birth), aka "penis-bearers", but does not imply either gender or body presentation, nor any other characteristic of the attractor or the person attracted.

Poly- "many", not necessarily implying 'all', but implying 'more than one', pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people of at least two gender or sex categories; bi- and multi- are technically a "mutual subgroup" of poly-, meaning that anybody identifying as one of these can reasonably identify as all three, as they prefer.

Sapio- "wise," as in sapiosexual or sapioromantic, pertaining to somebody who is attracted to people on the basis of intellectual rapport, mutual fascination, or their prospective partner's apparent intelligence, rather than their gender, sex, or physical appearance. Sapio-orientations are the "mental stimulation and bond" version of demi-orientations' "emotional stimulation and bond" requirement for attraction. A person can be both sapio- and demi-. Sapio-orientations do not exclude neurodivergent individuals, and they can encompass every conceivable variety of intelligence and psychological rapport.

Semi- "half", pertaining to somebody who is "half sexually desirous/libidinistic" or "half driven to have romantic relationships"; is not the same as Demi-.

Skolio- "curved" or "bending", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as genderqueer; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

Trans- "across; beyond; through; changing", pertaining to somebody who, with or without medical intervention, identify, dress, and/or function socially as a different gender and/or sex than the one they were assigned at birth; as an umbrella term includes transsexual and transgender; also includes demigenders, genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, and other nonbinary genders.

**Tropo-  "turning", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at people who identify as genderfluid; enables people outside the gender binary to clearly state orientations without self-referencing through hetero- or homo-.

**Veri- "true, actual, real", the opposite of A-, pertains to somebody identifying as being in the (majority) group of non-asexuals/aromantics, without implying that they are automatically sexualized and desirous. Synonymous or identical to Allo-.

Yoni- "vagina", pertaining to somebody whose romantic or sexual feelings are directed at somebody whose genitals are in conformation with DFAB (designated female at birth), aka "vagina-bearers", but does not imply either gender or body presentation, nor any other characteristic of the attractor or the person attracted.

-curious - pertaining to somebody who identifies at a certain orientation, but who is curious, open-minded, and/or experimental about romantic and/or sexual interactions with individuals who are not in the category that normally attract them, according to their identified orientation.-flexible - pertaining to somebody who either 1. identifies as more than one orientation, but not necessarily all at once, and ranges between their various orientations, or 2. identifies as a specific orientation, but is potentially open-minded under certain circumstances to being attracted to people not normally included in their identifies orientation.

-fluid - pertaining to somebody who ranges between at least two genders, without necessarily identifying as entirely one or as more than one simultaneously, at any given time. Does not necessarily imply genderqueer, since fluidity can range between binary genders, but can be included in the category genderqueer.

-gender - pertaining to the mental, emotional, behavioural, social, and other nonphysical characteristics of a person, by which they self-categorize and/or are socially categorized as male, female, agender, pangender, genderqueer, gender-fluid, or any other number of gender identities-queer - when used as a suffix, as in genderqueer: pertaining to somebody who identifies as having a non-binary gender identity, but without implying fluidity-questioning - pertaining to somebody who is still in a state of uncertainty and/or research about their identity and/or orientation

-platonic - pertaining to forms of love which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature; inclusive of friendships, familial relationships, coworkers and colleagues, mentors and mentees, and working, civil, and domestic partnerships which are not based around romantic and sexual intimacy and affection. Demiplatonic and queerplatonic are specific orientations and types of partnership, addressed later in the glossary.

-romantic - pertaining to emotional and trust-based love, affection, and devotion; does not imply physical intimacy.

-sexual - 1. pertaining to physically-expressed love, does not necessarily imply emotional intimacy 2. pertaining to the chromosomal, genital, hormonal, and other physical characteristics of a person, by which they are categorized as male, female, neutrois, androgynous, or any other number of sex assignments-variant - pertaining to somebody whose gender, libido, orientation, romantic drive, etc. is outside the social norm; an example is gender-variant (sometimes considered synonymous with trans*), one who gender-identifies outside the social gender binary.

Grey / Gray - pertaining to somebody who does not perceive themselves to be at any specifically defined point in the asexual/allosexual or aromantic/alloromantic spectra, or who feels that they tend to vary between several points on the spectra on a regular basis.

Queer - pertaining to somebody whose romantic and/or sexual habits and/or gender identity/expression/body presentation do not specifically subscribe to the binary heteronormative standards of society; 'queer' is a reclaimed social slur that was previously used as a form of harassment against gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual, transgender, and otherwise non-binary and/or non-heteronormative individuals and societies

Straight - pertaining to somebody whose romantic and/or sexual habits and/or gender identity/expression/body presentation DO specifically subscribe to the binary heteronormative standards of society.


**Many of these words exist as neologisms, and some are not yet entirely incorporated into the full lexicon of GSM.
"Troposexual / troporomantic" and "verisexual / veriromantic" were originated by Tegid of this forum.
"Demisexual" and by extension "demiromantic" were originated by Sonofzeal from AVEN.


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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:20 pm

Gender and Sex terms:

[list]
Body presentation - the sex a person appears to be outwardly when clothed, according to local social gender norms, whether or not it is the sex or gender they desire to display.

Cisgender - identifying as the same gender identity as the one assigned socially through societal gender roles, typically assigned at birth and inculturated from early childhood in how one was dressed and treated by adults.

Cissexual - identifying as the same sex as the one assigned at birth and inculturated from childhood, mostly respective to one's implied adult reproductive role.

Facial conformation surgery, facial feminization / masculinization / neutralization surgery - cosmetic surgery performed on a person's face during adulthood to help their body presentation more closely "match" their gender identity.

Gender - the mental characteristics, social roles, and other nonphysical details of a person that have bearing on how they perceive themselves, whether binary (male/female) or otherwise (such as but not limited to null-gender, pangender, genderqueer, bigender, trigender, etc.)

Gender assignment - the gender society regards a person to be from birth; the social gender roles a person fills: "What do the authorities say I am?"

Gender attribution - what we as individuals do to other people on first encountering them, before being told how to view them and what pronouns to use: the judgments we make and assumptions we hold about their gender and/or sex: "Is this person a man, woman, or somebody else entirely? What is my basis for this judgment?"

Gender conformation - how well and whether or not a person's physical genitals "match" what society expects from a person with that gender identity; the 'purely biological' aspect of body presentation and gender performance (see below).

Gender conformation surgery, sex conformation surgery - a form or aspect of transition (see below) in which a person's genitals are altered to "match" either their gender identity or the gender designated for them at birth (as has historically often been the case for intersex individuals).

Gender expression - the gender a person displays themselves to be, or imitates, in a way that other people can openly observe, typically through behaviour and mode of dress. A DMAB (designated male at birth) drag queen is presenting as male, expressing as female, and performing as female. The observer may attribute them to be female, while most of society will assign them to be male, and expect them to perform that role. The individual may personally identify as any gender at all.

Gender-fluid - identifying as being perpetually between two or more genders, either in a consistently phasic or situational way, or in a way that varies without consistency over any time duration.

Gender identity - the gender a person believes themselves to be; "Am I a man or a woman or somebody else entirely?"

Gender performance - the degree to which a person "fits" and "follows" their societally-prescribed (and possibly societally-enforced): "Am I good at being a man or woman or other, based on how my culture defines it? Am I doing with my life what the culture thinks I should do with my life?" This has an impact on gender attribution, since a person whose body presentation and gender expression may be very ambiguous or confusing to the viewer, but if they perform strongly in the gender role considered "male" in that society, the viewer's instinctual reaction will be usually to attribute that person as "male", for lack of other clearly-defined information.

Gender role - the tasks, preferences, and activities that society expects from a person of a particular gender; "What does the culture think I should do with my life?"Intersexed - having physical sex traits from birth that are anomalous or inclusive of both types of binary sex traits (male and female) at once; is usually result of a chromosomal anomaly. Intersexed individuals may personally identify as any sex or gender.

Intersex - a large variety of biological sexes with many possible physical manifestations, in which the configuration of a person's genitalia at birth is not in strict and obvious conformation with an easy designation of 'male' or 'female' by medical professionals. Sometimes (frequently, in some countries) intersex infants undergo gender conformation surgery shortly after birth, obviously without the infants' consent.

Sex - the physical characteristics, hormonal traits, and chromosomal attributes, binary or otherwise, of a person, as dictated by their genes and prenatal physical development, their development at puberty, and their development during and following any transition or gender conformation surgery; sex does not automatically define gender identity, but it has an effect on gender assignment at birth. Sex can be altered through surgery, hormone therapy, and/or gene therapy.

Sex assignment - the sex assigned a person at birth, typically by a doctor, and used on legal forms unless measures are taken to alter that legal status.

Transgender - identifying as a gender different than the one socially assigned or defined through sex at birth.

Transsexual - identifying as a sex different than the one assigned at birth, usually implies that steps have been, are being, or will be taken to physically, hormonally, or otherwise alter the individual to more closely correspond to their identified gender.

Two-spirit - These terms describe indigenous people who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. These roles included wearing the clothing and performing the work that is traditional for both men and women. Dual-gendered, or “two-spirited,” people are viewed differently in different Native communities.  Sometimes they are seen without stigma and are considered emissaries from the creator, treated with deference and respect, or even considered sacred, but other times this is not the case. “Two-spirit” is the closest thing to an appropriate umbrella term in referring to these gender traditions among Native peoples.  However, even “two-spirit” is contested in modern usage.(Quote is from http://lgbtrc.ucdavis.edu/lgbt-education/lgbtqia-glossary, with thanks to that site and to Epochryphal for pointing it out.)


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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:50 pm

Types of Love (Greek, Latin, and Clinical terms):

[list]
Agape: selfless, "Godly" love, a love that accepts another being in their entirety without any goal of changing themAmor: sexually-expressed love, sometimes viewed as the same as Eros

Anteros: requited, reflected romantic love; love that returns to the giver but is not necessarily sexual

Caritas: selfless, "Godly" love, different from Agape in that it seeks to better the condition or situation of other beings; the word 'charity' is derived from this word; sometimes Agape and Caritas are viewed as the same thing

Eros: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_(concept) romantic love, usually does not imply sexual expression of this love; may be specifically one-sided

Himeros: sexual desire, lust, unrequited love; viewable as the opposite of Anteros; love that does not return to the giver and is necessarily sexual

Infatuation: similar to or synonymous with Limerence, but typically one-sided; the obsessively beloved-directed behaviour pattern set which can exist even if the object of one's affections does not return one's affections at all.

Limerence: the stage of mutually falling in love and being in love with somebody, usually characterized by an obsessively beloved-directed behaviour pattern set; tends to be temporary; tends to be shared by partners rather than one-sided. Also known as New Relationship Energy (NRE), in the polyamory community.

Ludus: "playful / gaming love," a form of love characterized either by treating one's partner as a plaything or source of fun, two or more partners mutually and consentually treating each other as such, or two or more partners together regarding their relationship as a kind of "game" in which they play against or with each other, or against the rest of the world. Ludic love can become abusive if all partners do not agree to its presence in the relationship, but this is technically true of all forms of love.

Mania: "wild / obsessive love," a form of love characterized either by treating one's partner as the entire object of one's attention, two or more partners mutually and consentually treating each other as such, or two or more partners together regarding their relationship as the ultimate most important aspect of their lives, and investing the majority of their energy, time, and attention to the relationship and each other. Manic love can become abusive if all partners do not agree to its presence in the relationship, but this is technically true of all forms of love.

Philia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia a love based around shared experiences and a common history between individuals; "brotherly" love between people viewing each other as equals, best friends, or colleagues

Platonic love: love that bears absolutely no qualities of romance or sexualization; can be considered potentially a larger category that includes Agape, Caritas, Pothos, Philia, and Storge

Pothos: a deep longing or yearning to be near somebody, but does not necessarily mean romantic or sexual expression of this love; can be a platonic love or the expression of a long-term long-distance relationship

Pragma: "practical / utilitarian love," a form of love characterized either by treating one's partner as a source or object of benefit derived from oneself or the relationship, or two or more partners mutually and consentually treating each other and the relationship as a useful practical arrangement (arranged marriages and civil partnerships, moirails and auspistices all being excellent examples), or two or more partners together regarding their relationship as the chief source of benefit for mutual survival in their lives, and regarding interactions with the relationship and each other as a cost-benefit scenario, and attempting to maximize benefit and minimize cost. Pragmatic love can become abusive if all partners do not agree to its presence in the relationship, but this is technically true of all forms of love.

Storge: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storge a love of that which is similar, familiar, or held in common between individuals; "familial" love between people who may be of different social ranks, such as parent-child and teacher-student; can also mean love that develops into romance after existing for a long time as friendship

Types of Adult Love, Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual Relationships: Note that some of these terms are derived from the Homestuck webcomic by Andrew Hussie; they are included here due to many people in GSM finding them personally relevant.

Auspistice / Ashenmate / Ashen partnership - Homestuck-derived, a three-person asexual (not necessarily aromantic) partnership in which at least one person in the triad serves as an ongoing arbiter between the other two, in order to keep the other two emotionally stabilized and unharmful to one another. An example of this might be if three housemates live or work together in a somewhat committed way, but two of them have personality types which frequently put them in emotionally hazardous circumstances with one another (such as one partner having depression and another having a mildly sadistic streak); the third partner could help stabilize the triad and maintain safe boundaries for the good of the group. An ashen partnership CAN involve more than three people, and anybody in the group might work as arbiter between any two or more others in the group: the role of arbiter need not be fixed on a single person.

Dom-Sub / Ds / Power Dynamic partnership - involving two or more people, may or may not be romantic or sexual in nature; a partnership in which the participants consent for one partner to be 'Dominant' in private or public spaces and to assume a psychological role of control and authority, and for the other partner to be 'submissive' and to assume a psychological role of deferral and obedience. Consenting Master/Mistress-slave, Partner-Worship, and "Daddy-littlegirl" (actually both adults!!) relationships are examples of these. Red Pill Theory relationships between adults who both subscribe to RPT can also be considered a lower-intensity form of Power Dynamic partnership. If all participants in a Power Dynamic partnership are not giving informed consent about the nature of the relationship, then it is abuse.

Kismesis / Darkmate / Caliginous partnership - Homestuck-derived, a romantic and/or sexual partnership based around intense rivalry and mutual attraction. Rather than being gently affectionate and necessarily fond of one another, kismeses antagonize each other within mutually-agreed-upon boundaries of intensity and discomfort. They fulfill each other's sexual and/or romantic needs without necessarily being close friends or even particularly liking each other; their antagonism is considered to be mutually-beneficial as a way of 'keeping each other sharp and on their toes,' and helping one another stay alertly focused on their life goals rather than growing comfortable and complacent within a cozy or friendly relationship.

Lithromantic partnership - a voluntarily one-sided romantic partnership, in which one person is romantically attracted and possibly affectionate toward the other, but in which that attraction and affection is not reciprocated, and both partners are comfortable and consenting to this relationship and having their needs fulfilled by it.

Matesprit / Flushmate / Flushed partnership - Homestuck-derived, a romantic and/or sexual partnership based around intense fondness or loyalty and mutual attraction. Where each person's life goals within a traditional romantic partnership might differ, or might be reached by compromise in cases where they differ, a flushed partnership exists not only to satisfy sexual and/or romantic needs, but also to reach shared life goals together which the individuals might not be able to achieve on their own.

Metamour - in a polyamorous relationship, your metamour is your partner's partner, with whom you yourself are not romantically or sexually involved.

Moirail / Palemate / Pale partnership - Homestuck-derived, a usually-two-person asexual (not necessarily aromantic) partnership based around mutual loyalty, caregiving, and protection from self, each other, and people outside the relationship. An example of moirallegiance is two people with anxiety disorders who live or work together and support each other, helping each other through anxiety attacks, helping each other avoid triggering people and circumstances, and also protecting the other person from themselves if one partner is being at all triggering. Moirails also help protect the rest of the world from their partners' more socially-harmful personality traits. For example, two people with ASPD or narcissism might help each other to avoid intentional or inadvertent antisocial behaviour or abusive actions toward people outside the relationship.

Objectum partnership - a romantic or sexual partnership in which a human being is attracted to, or even committed to, an inanimate object, location, or abstract concept (real-world example: Erika Eiffel is committed to the Eiffel Tower). This relationship may be exclusively toward one object, toward several objects, and inclusive or exclusive of other human beings. It has been clinically catalogued as a legitimate expression of objectum-sexuality / objektophilia, a legitimate sexual and romantic orientation, and is not a psychological disorder.

Paramour - one's direct partner in a polyamorous relationship, with whom one is romantically or sexually involved.

Polyamory - when an individual is in an informed, consenting romantic and/or sexual relationship with more than one partner. Polyamory can be oriented around a single 'hub' person, or it can be a 'closed loop' in which all partners are involved with all other partners. Polyamory can be 'open' to new members or 'closed' and exclusive to current members. Polyamory can be casual and short-term or committed and long-term. A critical feature of polyamory is that all participants are aware of each other, consenting to the relationship, and informed of each other's medical conditions. Failure to keep partners informed is a form of both cheating and abuse, since it can subject your partner(s) to STIs without their permission.

Polycule - an extensive network of polyamorous relationships, in which not all people are involved with all other people, and in which there are complex branchings of paramours and metamours.

Polyfidelity - long-term committed and completely 'closed' polyamory, in which all partners are committed to each other and are exclusive to their poly relationship(s), and not seeking to involve additional people.

Polygon - a closed network of polyamorous relationships, in which all participants are either involved with a minimum of two other people in the polygon (a 'circuit polygon') or in which all participants are involved with most or all others in the polygon (a 'web polygon').

Queerplatonic partnership (QPP) - a committed asexual and aromantic relationship between individuals for any number of reasons such as mutual support and benefit, mutual fondness, or to raise children.

The Demi- Orientations
Demisexuality, demiromanticism, and demiplatonism are all related but not identical orientations. They are all legitimate orientations which people experience, but they are widely misunderstood.

Demisexuality is when a person is only capable of experiencing sexual attraction to a person if they already have a pre-existing trust, loyalty, or emotional connection to that person. A demisexual person is unable to simply find a total stranger sexually attractive. They may or may not be able to be romantically attracted to strangers, or platonically drawn to interact with strangers in a long-term way. It is critical to note that being demisexual does not automatically mean being demiromantic as well: a demisexual person might be perfectly comfortable having a romantic interaction with a complete stranger, but feel zero sexual attraction toward the other person... and the same demisexual person might be sexually involved with a close intimate, but may never be romantically involved with them. A homoromantic demisexual man might only be romantically attracted to other men, but might be able to connect sexually to trusted people of any gender.

Demiromanticism is when a person is only capable of experiencing romantic attraction to a person if they already have a pre-existing trust, loyalty, or emotional connection to that person. A demisexual person is unable to simply find a total stranger romantically attractive. They may or may not be able to be sexually attracted to strangers, or platonically drawn to interact with strangers in a long-term way. It is critical to note that being demiromantic does not automatically mean being demisexual as well: a demiromantic person might be perfectly comfortable having a one-night-stand sexual encounter, but feel zero romance toward the other person... and the same demiromantic person might be romantically involved with a close intimate, but may never be sexually involved with them. A homosexual demiromantic man might only be sexually attracted to other men, but might be able to connect romantically to trusted people of any gender.

Demiplatonism (literally to be "only half platonic") is when a person is only able to form and maintain strong platonic relationships, if they are also romantically and/or sexually attracted to, or involved with, that person. A demiplatonic person is unable to simply have a 100% platonic long-term close relationship, and needs a romantic and/or sexual component in their relationship. This can mean that a demiplatonic adult will have a very small pool of close friends, due to members of attempted friendships not being interested in escalating the relationship to something romantic or sexual. It can also mean that a demiplatonic adult may be functionally polyamorous, in an effort to maintain however many intimate friends they do have. If a demiplatonic person is inherently monoamorous by orientation, they may only be able to maintain one strongly committed intimate relationship, and all other social relationships will be very superficial and non-invested for that individual. It is critical to remember that demiplatonism may or may not exist in parallel to other orientations: a demiplatonic person may be gay, straight, bi-, pan-, or even demi- in their romantic and sexual orientations. They may be aromantic or asexual (although to be both simultaneously would, by definition, cancel out demiplatonic orientation). All of these things may compound in such a way that the individual can only form close relationships with one other gender, or they might have only one or two meaningful relationships in their whole lifetime. A person who is both demiplatonic and demisexual and/or demiromantic might find that they are unattracted and uninterested in virtually everybody, but then if they meet one person who overwhelmingly gains their trust or personal affinity, they may be powerfully attracted to that person all at once, and/or intensely crave a devoted relationship to that person. Due to the nature of demiplatonic orientation, a queerplatonic relationship would be very difficult to maintain, and a partnership with an asexual-aromantic individual would be either difficult to maintain, or would require the demiplatonic person to treat the relationship as lithromantic.


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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:52 pm


Types of Attraction and Desire:

(Much of this draws on Rabger's Model and the RADAR Chart Model, but I've elaborated on and added to much of it in an attempt to be as precisely clear as possible.)

    Primary Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction to the outward characteristics of a person, independent of any bond or friendship with them; these characteristics can include (and are not limited to) physical appearance, scent, apparent wealth or occupation, openly displayed intellect, and/or skills/talents.

    Secondary Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction to the known inward characteristics of a person, implied to be dependent on an existing bond or friendship with them (since you do not directly experience these qualities until you interact closely on the level of a friend or romantic partner). These characteristics can include (and are not limited to) emotional bonds, bonds of trust, romantic relationship with the subject, friendship to the subject, long-term displays of intellect, kindness or loyalty or other characteristics that the subject finds attractive in the object, etc.

    Primary Sexual Desire: Desire to engage in sexual activity for the subject's own pleasure and enjoyment; is related to Physical/Contact Desire, but neither automatically implies the other, since Contact can include things that are not sexual, and Sexual intimacy can include nonphysical psychological acts and details.

    Secondary Sexual Desire: Desire to engage in sexual activity for reasons other than the subject's own pleasure and enjoyment, such as desire to procreate, desire to give pleasure to the object of desire, obtainment of money or personal benefits, etc. Relationships that are both romantic and sexual in nature will typically include both primary and secondary sexual desire, in order for there to be reciprocity between the relationship's members.

    Primary Romantic Attraction: "Love at first sight", any romantic attraction that occurs without prior platonic friendship. Does not automatically imply short-term acquaintance or interaction, and can be with an effective stranger; only implies lack of prior friendship.

    Secondary Romantic Attraction: "Friends that became more", any romantic attraction that occurs after developing a prior platonic friendship. Does not automatically imply long-term friendship, and can be with a relatively new friend; only implies that friendship existed before romance.

    Primary Romantic Desire: The basic, general desire to seek, pursue, or be in a romantic relationship, simply to enjoy that relationship.

    Secondary Romantic Desire: The specific desire to seek, pursue, or be in a romantic relationship for reasons other than enjoyment, such as the social and financial benefits of being in a relationship with somebody else, or to give that enjoyment to somebody else, or to have help in raising a child.

    Aesthetic Attraction: With or without sexual or romantic connotations, and with or without being (a)romantic or (a)sexual, experiencing a desire to view the physical face and/or form of another person or people, due to appreciation of their perceived outward beauty.

    Kinetic Attraction: With or without sexual or romantic connotations, and with or without being (a)romantic or (a)sexual, experiencing a desire to view the physical movements, postures, and body-carriage of another person or people, due to appreciation of their perceived physical grace, strength, and/or dexterity.

    Physical, Sensual, or Contact Attraction: With or without sexual or romantic connotations, and with or without being (a)romantic or (a)sexual, experiencing a specific attraction to somebody else based on the specific desire to physically touch them or be touched by them, such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, hair-touching, etc.

    Physical, Sensual, or Contact Desire: With or without sexual or romantic connotations, and with or without being (a)romantic or (a)sexual, experiencing a general desire (a want without any specific target) to physically touch another person or people, such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, hair-touching, etc. A touch-aversive or touch-repulsed person would be somebody who specifically does not like to be touched or to touch other people, and experiences discomfort from physical contact with others.

    Fantasy or Hypothetical Attraction: With or without sexual or romantic connotations, and with or without being (a)romantic or (a)sexual, experiencing dreaming or hypothetical mental/emotional scenarios involving yourself or another person. In common use, to say that you fantasize about somebody is accepted to mean that you imagine yourself in romantic and/or sexual interactions with them, whether or not you are personally romantic or sexual to that person or their gender/sex.

    Platonic or Psychological Attraction: Completely nonromantic, nonsexual attraction to somebody and desire to be near them to interact with them.

    Repulsion: Personal aversion to romance, sexuality, a specific orientation or identity, or a specific person or group of people. In the Ace community, to call yourself Repulsed is commonly accepted to mean that you are Antisexual, or that to some lesser degree you find sexuality repulsive and causing discomfort to you.



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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:57 pm

Models, Scales, Methods, and Charts:
(work in progress)

    Kinsey Scale:

    Klein Sexual Orientation Grid:

    Rabger's Model:

    RADAR Chart Model:

    Tea's Model (temporary place-holder title):

    Tegid's Scales:


Issues in the larger communit(ies)

    Deference to Majority Allies:

    Erasing Language:

    Identity Policing:

    Inconsiderate Labeling:

    Infighting:

    Minority Disunity:

    Misrepresentation:

    Misunderstandings:

    "Oppression Olympics:"

    Perpetuation of Rape Culture:

    Privilege Denial:

    Prude-Shaming:

    Queer Appropriation:

    Slut-Shaming:

    Symbol Appropriation:

    Triggering Language:


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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by ratherdrinktea on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:31 pm

Also If you want to add to the model one that I'm working on which I think is pretty awesome. I guess it's like the sexual orientation grid except it's based on the aven triangle (Thanks to Birdwing on AVEN for helping me with that part). I'll post a picture of it when I get the chance and work out the kinks and try to come up with a name XD
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:33 pm

*laugh* Sure!

My recommendation: Create both a thread for it someplace in one of the subfora here AND an off-site location to host the image additionally. It's the sort of thing that deserves to be backed-up in at least two places.
If you put it someplace off-site, send me the link and its name, and I'll put it in the catch-all thread for that stuff in the "Links worth following" board, and then I'll put a definition for it here (come up with how you want it phrased, if you have a preference) in the dictionary.

I've been working on a degree-of-sexuality/libido/romanticism chart, myself. XD

Smile
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by mel on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:47 pm

I've been working on models/definitions as well, mostly on "sexual attraction" I'm not a big fan of Rabger's Primary/Secondary distinctions but it's almost impossible to describe demisexuality coherently without them.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:49 pm

I love the distinctions for the fact that they exist at all, and I'm striving very hard to define and explain them clearly. It's why I've added the romantic analogues to them:

Primary ___ Attraction = attraction to something on the outside, or immediate, and with a relative stranger or acquaintance

Secondary ___ Attraction = attraction to something on the inside, or occurring over time from an existing relationship

Primary ___ Desire = desire for the thing itself, for enjoyment, pleasure, and bonding

Secondary ___ Desire = desire for the fringe benefits of the thing itself, for support, for procreation, etc.

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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by ratherdrinktea on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:56 pm

The issue with most models is that they don't encompass everything (like mine doesn't explain demisexuality as well as it explains the idea of grey-as).

And I'm glad you put primary and secondary romantic attraction in as well because even on aven people don't understand demiromantics very well and that explains it better than I do Embarassed
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by mel on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:57 pm

Tegid wrote:I love the distinctions for the fact that they exist at all, and I'm striving very hard to define and explain them clearly. It's why I've added the romantic analogues to them:

Primary ___ Attraction = attraction to something on the outside, or immediate, and with a relative stranger or acquaintance

Secondary ___ Attraction = attraction to something on the inside, or occurring over time from an existing relationship

Primary ___ Desire = desire for the thing itself, for enjoyment, pleasure, and bonding

Secondary ___ Desire = desire for the fringe benefits of the thing itself, for support, for procreation, etc.


Part of my problem is that it's unclear how "Primary Sexual Attraction" differs from other types of physical attraction (aesthetic, or sensual). And separating attraction from desire can be pretty messy too. Like, with sexual desire it's a little bit easier I guess, but even then, "bonding" could be seen as a secondary effect of sexual activity rather than something in the nature of the thing itself. Separating primary and secondary characteristics of things gets messy, and sometimes this sort of model seems to jump between a behavioralistic perspective and non-behavioralistic perspectives. I might be less opposed to them with added clarity, but so far I'm not a huge fan. I find the distinctions occasionally helpful, but not without problems.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:11 pm

Heh, thanks. Smile

I tried to match the attractions and desires as analogously as I could between sexual and romantic, as follows:

Primary ____ Attraction = Attraction to outward characteristics, involving a stranger or acquaintance, often occurring fast

Secondary ____ Attraction = Attraction to inward characteristics, involving a known person or friend, REQUIRING existing bond of some kind, usually occurring over time

Primary ____ Desire = Desire for the basic pleasures, bonding, and enjoyment of the thing

Secondary ____ Desire = Desire for the fringe benefits, social benefits, and other factors of the thing beyond one's own personal pleasure, as well as the reciprocally-given pleasure to the other person/people involved

Ooop, Mel, you beat me to sending. XD Sorry! *answers that part, too, now*

Part of my problem is that it's unclear how "Primary Sexual Attraction" differs from other types of physical attraction (aesthetic, or sensual). And separating attraction from desire can be pretty messy too. Like, with sexual desire it's a little bit easier I guess, but even then, "bonding" could be seen as a secondary effect of sexual activity rather than something in the nature of the thing itself. Separating primary and secondary characteristics of things gets messy, and sometimes this sort of model seems to jump between a behavioralistic perspective and non-behavioralistic perspectives. I might be less opposed to them with added clarity, but so far I'm not a huge fan. I find the distinctions occasionally helpful, but not without problems.

I think some of the problem stems from the fact that, for me (as an example), the differences between those modes of attraction/desire are EXTREMELY clear. I'm strongly touch-aversive, so while I can deeply enjoy gazing upon a person the way I would deeply enjoy gazing upon a mountain range, or the ocean, or a beautiful tree... I want NO part in touching them, full stop.

I also strongly draw a line between physicality and sexuality. Sexuality includes not just the act of sexual intercourse in its physical form, but also all the psychological aspects of being in a sexual relationship with somebody... from sharing fantasies and disclosing fetishes and what you like to do in bed to just plain "dirty talk". Those are extremely sexual activities, and they can be done by telephone, with no touch occurring.
On the other hand, a physical relationship can be totally platonic and even familial. When you hug your grandmother, that is a physical interaction, and for the vast majority of humanity, it would be seen as a comprehensively nonsexual interaction.
Kissing your dog on the nose would also be widely perceived as nonsexual, but it is definitively physical.
Some people in asexual romantic (or even platonic) relationships like to cuddle, clothed or nude, without it becoming a sexualized interaction.

Primary sexual attraction only means that, based on a person's outwardly displayed characteristics, and without any pre-existing bond with them, you want a sexual relationship with them. This doesn't even necessarily mean that the sexual aspects are physical, and if you're touch-aversive, they could be restricted to interactions by phone, or text form, or dirty talk, or disclosure of other sexually intimate aspects of your psyche and thoughts.

Separating the primary and secondary aspects is messy when you are dealing with somebody who is normative in them and uses them both in their evaluation of a potential sexual partner. For those of us who use just one of them, the separation is a necessary basis from which to clarify ourselves to others, and we see the separation as extremely clear. Anybody experiencing both of them is probably going to experience them simultaneously or very near each other, to the point where separating them consciously becomes a contrived, forced mental activity, and therefore unnatural.
Anybody who doesn't experience EITHER of them is also probably going to see the separation as a contrived thing, because for lack of common experience, they will naturally have a difficulty understanding it at the same experiential level as somebody who has felt that drive, attraction, or desire. This isn't to say that aromantic aces are automatically ignorant of the situation (obviously not), but it is to say that, in all likelihood, there will be a basic difference in natural predisposition to rapidly gain understanding of and comfort with these terms, and differentiation between them. It's so much easier for them or a "fully sexual and romantic" person to just lump all those drives together as a single entity, since for the sexual person they are "normal", and for the ace they are "completely alien from my personal norms".
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Torraed on Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:15 pm

Tegid wrote:Models, Scales, Methods, and Charts:
...
  • Torraed's Model (temporary place-holder title):
confused

ratherdrinktea wrote:Also If you want to add to the model one that I'm working on which I think is pretty awesome. I guess it's like the sexual orientation grid except it's based on the aven triangle (Thanks to Birdwing on AVEN for helping me with that part). I'll post a picture of it when I get the chance and work out the kinks and try to come up with a name XD
Based on that, I'm guessing you meant Tea's model...? I suppose I could come up with one if you'd like, but I'm pretty that was just a mistake.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:18 pm

Oh, feggit. Sorry about that. You both have T-names with lots of vowels. >_<

My massive bad. Sorry, Tea!!!

*goes. Fixes. Ouch.*
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by mel on Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:27 pm

Tegid wrote:
Part of my problem is that it's unclear how "Primary Sexual Attraction" differs from other types of physical attraction (aesthetic, or sensual). And separating attraction from desire can be pretty messy too. Like, with sexual desire it's a little bit easier I guess, but even then, "bonding" could be seen as a secondary effect of sexual activity rather than something in the nature of the thing itself. Separating primary and secondary characteristics of things gets messy, and sometimes this sort of model seems to jump between a behavioralistic perspective and non-behavioralistic perspectives. I might be less opposed to them with added clarity, but so far I'm not a huge fan. I find the distinctions occasionally helpful, but not without problems.

I think some of the problem stems from the fact that, for me (as an example), the differences between those modes of attraction/desire are EXTREMELY clear. I'm strongly touch-aversive, so while I can deeply enjoy gazing upon a person the way I would deeply enjoy gazing upon a mountain range, or the ocean, or a beautiful tree... I want NO part in touching them, full stop.

I also strongly draw a line between physicality and sexuality. Sexuality includes not just the act of sexual intercourse in its physical form, but also all the psychological aspects of being in a sexual relationship with somebody... from sharing fantasies and disclosing fetishes and what you like to do in bed to just plain "dirty talk". Those are extremely sexual activities, and they can be done by telephone, with no touch occurring.
On the other hand, a physical relationship can be totally platonic and even familial. When you hug your grandmother, that is a physical interaction, and for the vast majority of humanity, it would be seen as a comprehensively nonsexual interaction.
Kissing your dog on the nose would also be widely perceived as nonsexual, but it is definitively physical.
Some people in asexual romantic (or even platonic) relationships like to cuddle, clothed or nude, without it becoming a sexualized interaction.

I should note that while I have no trouble distinguishing a difference between "Aesthetic Attraction"/"Sexual Attraction" or other types of attraction as I do in many ways experience them separately, what I can't do is see how the model, definitionally, separates them for somebody who maybe doesn't experience them separately. The definition of "Primary Sexual Attraction" in what had been termed Rabger's model simply described it as "an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their looks or smell..." which definitionally also applies to other types of physical attraction.

Tegid wrote:Primary sexual attraction only means that, based on a person's outwardly displayed characteristics, and without any pre-existing bond with them, you want a sexual relationship with them. This doesn't even necessarily mean that the sexual aspects are physical, and if you're touch-aversive, they could be restricted to interactions by phone, or text form, or dirty talk, or disclosure of other sexually intimate aspects of your psyche and thoughts.

But see, now we've linked attraction explicitly to desire again. What's the point in the separation if "sexual attraction" means "...you want [desire] a sexual relationship"? The definitions are too loose for the model as a whole to hold up to its constituent pieces, as far as I can tell.

Tegid wrote:Separating the primary and secondary aspects is messy when you are dealing with somebody who is normative in them and uses them both in their evaluation of a potential sexual partner. For those of us who use just one of them, the separation is a necessary basis from which to clarify ourselves to others, and we see the separation as extremely clear. Anybody experiencing both of them is probably going to experience them simultaneously or very near each other, to the point where separating them consciously becomes a contrived, forced mental activity, and therefore unnatural.
Anybody who doesn't experience EITHER of them is also probably going to see the separation as a contrived thing, because for lack of common experience, they will naturally have a difficulty understanding it at the same experiential level as somebody who has felt that drive, attraction, or desire. This isn't to say that aromantic aces are automatically ignorant of the situation (obviously not), but it is to say that, in all likelihood, there will be a basic difference in natural predisposition to rapidly gain understanding of and comfort with these terms, and differentiation between them. It's so much easier for them or a "fully sexual and romantic" person to just lump all those drives together as a single entity, since for the sexual person they are "normal", and for the ace they are "completely alien from my personal norms".

I mean, this is all probably correct, but as I mentioned earlier... I make a distinction between different types of attraction because the distinctions are very clear to me. It's less clear to me that the sort of model we're discussing adequately makes those distinctions clear.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:29 am

The definition of "Primary Sexual Attraction" in what had been termed Rabger's model simply described it as "an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their looks or smell..." which definitionally also applies to other types of physical attraction.
Of course, which is why I expanded on it here. The AVEN-quoting/quoted version of Rabger's model is a very skillful misrepresentation of Demisexuals, at the moment. One of my goals with this forum is to refine and render strongly precise the definitions, such that when somebody links to a definition or copy-pastes it, it's one that isn't a blatant misrepresentation.

But see, now we've linked attraction explicitly to desire again. What's the point in the separation if "sexual attraction" means "...you want [desire] a sexual relationship"? The definitions are too loose for the model as a whole to hold up to its constituent pieces, as far as I can tell.

Here we reach a point of distinction, awkward though it be, of wish, want, and desire.
To say I want an entire cake right now would be accurate, because I know I enjoy cake... but by no means do I wish to actually consume the whole thing, because I have already eaten (satisfied the equivalent definitive need, fulfilling a desire) and among my meal was a sugary snack in moderation (satisfied a non-necessary wish to a practical degree).
Wanting only addresses the very base level of finding something to be attractive... but it does not imply either the actual pursuit of that thing (desire, leading to fulfillment of a definitive need) or the inclusion of an acceptable substitute in a practical way in what you are already doing (satisfying a wish).

If I'm already in a relationship, and if I am able to have primary sexual attraction, then I don't just drop my relationship to enact one with the new object of attraction. My current ship satisfies my need, and it is through this existing ship that I enact my desires. I can access this current object any time I wish, as a practical part of my regular daily activities. I do not have to go out of my way to fulfill desire with what I already have, but to go out and pursue another object of desire would indeed be out of my way, a want, not a wish. It's attractive, but not necessarily to the degree that I desire it enough to pursue it.

Just... matter of degrees.

Furthermore, the desires can exist ENTIRELY without the attractions. One night stands are frequently entirely resultant of primary sexual desire, lacking primary sexual attraction. You get an unattractive person and yourself sufficiently drunk that you don't care how each other look, knowing actively that you'll leave before they even wake up, thereby preventing romance... and you take physical sexual pleasure, selfishly.
That's not exactly abnormal.

Relationship can be taken to mean something that occurs over time, or it can mean a brief partnership and interaction with somebody. If you take it to mean any consenting sexual interaction, then a one-nighter is a sexual relationship... but if you take it to mean a long-term thing, then a one-nighter is NOT a relationship of any kind.

In theory, any of the types of attraction and desire can be subtracted from a situation, and the situation would still hold up in practice as something that can and does occur frequently IRL.
Take out the attractions but keep primary desire, and you have a selfish one-nighter.
Take out attractions and keep secondary desire, and you have a gold-digger or baby mama/daddy or somebody who just really likes to see somebody else get their happy.
Take out primary attraction and keep the rest, and you have a demisexual in a relationship.
Take out secondary attraction and keep the rest, and you have a person who is getting everything out of their relationship except romance, apparently.
You can keep combining and permutating indefinitely.

I mean, this is all probably correct, but as I mentioned earlier... I make a distinction between different types of attraction because the distinctions are very clear to me. It's less clear to me that the sort of model we're discussing adequately makes those distinctions clear.
Right, and inevitably there will be those who do not understand the distinctions YOU find so clear and easy to define from each other.
So much of this is genuinely a case of "I have or have not experienced that type of attraction/desire/feeling, full stop." Anybody who has felt them all, and anybody who has not felt specific ones (or none of them at all) is going to have gaps in their predisposition for understanding, while those familiar with these distinctions will find them very easy to break down systematically in their own minds.

If we want to break it down in shortest possible terms,

PSA = outward and obvious features in people you don't know closely, which make you hypothetically willing to have sexual interactions with them

SSA = inward and non-obvious features in people you know closely, which make you hypothetically willing to have sexual interactions with them

PSD = a general psychological (not physiological, because that would be libido) craving for sexual interactions, because those interactions bring YOU personal pleasure

SSD = a specific psychological craving for sexual interactions, because those interactions bring benefits to you or somebody else OTHER than your own personal pleasure

PRA = outward and obvious features in people you don't know closely, that make you hypothetically willing to have romantic interactions with them

SRA = inward and non-obvious features in people you know to some degree, that make you hypothetically willing to have romantic interactions with them

PRD = general psychological craving for romantic interactions, because they bring YOU personal enjoyment

SRD = specific psychological craving for romantic interactions, because they bring benefits to you or somebody else OTHER than your own personal enjoyment

So it follows that examples would be:

PSA = "Wow... they're hot. *drools instead of just finding them aesthetically pretty*"

SSA = "I've known you closely for awhile, and it's making you hot in my eyes the more I get to know you."

PSD = "I reeeally need to get laid (not same as libido)."

SSD = "I want to get laid so I can have a kid/get paid/make that person happy."

PRA = "That guy seems really romantic. *considers him for potential future date*"

SRA = "We've been friends awhile... do you want to date?"

PRD = "I've been single too long; I really want to be in a relationship."

SRD = "I need to be in a relationship to help raise my kid, etc."
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by epochryphal on Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:46 am

I differentiate between Aesthetic and Physical Attraction: the former is about looking at them (be a statue in the corner of my room! it won't be creepy at all!), while the latter is about being in physical contact with them. I guess you put that under Physical Desire, and sure, but I think the desire is different from the attraction, right, where desire is abstract/unoriented (I want to touch somebodyyyy) and attraction is directed (tv character, I want to touch you through my computer screen).

A friend of mine also proposed Kinetic Attraction, which I can hardly do justice to, and link here. It's sort of a subset of Aesthetic Attraction, but it definitely has a different feel to it.

But um, what really prompted me to post, is the definition of Two-Spirit. I am very iffy about "borrowing" that term. It's important to have on the list, but as I understand it, for non-First Nation folks to identify as Two-Spirit is cultural appropriation. It is a term specific to that context and culture. It also isn't as simple as binary opposite social roles, and it isn't always a positive or even neutral term. A decent definition is located here. I am definitely up for further discussion on this, although as a White ally, I am not as informed as I'd like to be nor can I provide firsthand experience or perspective.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Thu Sep 08, 2011 12:14 pm

I'm familiar with the principle of kinetic attraction, but had never thought to apply a term to it; I agree on the differentiation between physical attraction and desire.
My Two-Spirit definition is, as much as anything, a placeholder: if I find a definition that is more precise and comprehensive, then that's what I'll put up.
At the moment, I'm operating on a limited time table (gotta' be afk for a few hours, starting in a few minutes Razz), but coming back to this thread to revise the dictionary is high on my list of priorities, once I return.
Thanks so much for your input; I value it! ^_^
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Arcanine on Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:48 pm

Oh! Great list Razz There are a few terms on here that I've never come across before Embarassed Though, it's still, definitely helpful, and very insightful. It all tends to blend together a bit however (I'm more used to reading definitions in their own articles, rather than listed Razz ) though very well layed-out.
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Re: Primary Demi Grace Dictionary

Post by Aisling on Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:56 pm

Heh, thanks!

If people start requesting unit-by-unit definitions (such as a separate entry each for hyposexual, demiromantic, etc.) instead of prefix/suffix/related definitions (such as the current hypo-, demi-, etc.) then I'll implement them, but at the moment, when things are still being actively definition-shuffled in all sites that use those terms... it's more time-effective to be able to just alter the prefix, and answer questions in-forum about what such-and-such means.

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