Trying to figure out what I am

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Trying to figure out what I am

Post by Balam on Thu Oct 09, 2014 1:49 pm

Hello everyone, I'm new here, so I hope I'm not posting it in the wrong place.

The thing is, for years, I though I was asexual, even before I knew that there was even a word for that, and that I say when I was about 10, 11 years old. All my friends were starting to have crushes and I never care about that, I even lie sometimes so to try to not be left out.

When I was in the last year of high school I started having feelings for a girl and after some years I come out to myself as a lesbian, and I thought that was it. But even so I could never find a girl attractive only by looking at her (what later I learned is called primary attraction).

And althought I've had sex before and really enjoyed, it has to be with someone that I have a strong connection with. Even thinking about kissing someone that I barely know, even if they are beautiful, is totally weird to me, I just can't.

So, I found out about the therm "demisexual" this week and felt I could relate to it. But I'm still really confused because it took me so long to identify myself as lesbian and now I'm not sure what I'm anymore D:

Balam
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Re: Trying to figure out what I am

Post by Halfling on Thu Oct 09, 2014 4:58 pm

Hi Balam and welcome here Smile
You know, being demi doesn't make you less lesbian. You can see it as something parallel. The term "demisexual" doesn't take into account the "gender orientation" (men, women, others...) so.. You can be homo-demisexual. Or demi-homosexual (or demi-lesbian), depending on how you see things for you, what does fit the most with the way you identify yourself.

I guess it can be confusing. When I discover(ed) something new about myself, I tend to embrace it as something positive, not that confusing but instead like a piece of my identity-puzzle. Any new piece is good to find. Each new piece help you define yourself a bit better, a bit clearer. And maybe some pieces have to be removed cuz you find an other one, which looked a lot like the previous one, but is slightly different and fit definitively better.
Your identity, or let's say, the way you identify yourself is not something definite and unmovable. It's alive, it's like everything else in you : it's evolving, some parts more than others, some faster than others.. But you're "something" in motion, so... One thing is sure : you're yourself, and anything you are is fine. The thing is, you may have not found all the pieces yet, or all the piece's names... But names are just names. It helps you define yourself, but it doesn't define you. YOU define you. Smile

Lots of people think they belong to a said box, let's say... the "gay" box. And they think that define who they are, how they must be, who they must fall in love to. But I don't think the box should have this power on their live.... Because of that thoughts, they think they just CAN'T be with someone of the opposite gender... when... in fact they can, if they feel attraction toward this person... what's the matter ? What are they afraid to lose ? Apart from their beliefs....
If they're, for instance, gay men and happen to be attracted to a woman. What does it changes ? It doesn't have to mean they're not gays anymore.. It doesn't even mean they're hetero or bi... It can just be "the exception that proves the rule"... as much as it can be that in fact they're bi or pan... And that's ok too :p


Halfling
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