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Hey friends

Post by Lims on Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:42 am

I am currently writing a "Blog post" On the rejection of asexual language and identity II hope to either have finished by the end of today or tomorrow. It's for English coursework at college so I was hoping That some of you wouldn't mind taking a look at it and giving me some feedback?
Many thanks
Lims
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Re: Hey friends

Post by Halfling on Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:15 am

Maybe with the blog link...? ^^

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Re: Hey friends

Post by Lims on Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:57 am

I'm not actually posting it officially online right now otherwise I'll be accused of plagiarism, I will copy and paste the thing :3
"Rejecting Asexual Language and Identity
I notice that for many asexuals there is a constant desperation to find a place for themselves within society while finding a sexuality that fits them and that divides the line between a friendship and a relationship, which can be very difficult in a sexual society, and even more difficult with the amatonormative belief that a central exclusive amorous relationship is the norm. This shows people that asexuals are very similar to them with the difference of sexual orientation, but even that difference isn't always that big! Asexuals reject the ideas of amatonormativity and open a variety of relationship types that still rely on romance and commitment and love, allowing intimacy to take a more fluid approach. This prevents a relationship from being ranked on how sexual a couple is and promotes the ideas of romance and intimacy in other ways. People in romantic relationships still ask “What makes an asexual relationship different from a friendship?” and people ask this because we’re brought up in a society that says “love and friendship are completely different things” which implies there’s no in between with friendship and romance. Questions like this force asexual to defend their orientation in a way that proves their relationships are more than friendships, more serious, more committed, more romantic, etc. This is a reflection of sexual society’s beliefs that a relation is more than being a normal friendship and their beliefs that a healthy relationship is defined by the sexual activity involved. While people are asking “What makes your relationship different from friendship if there’s no sex?” they are immediately prejudging asexuals, there is a spectrum within asexuality; asexuality is where there is no sexual attraction, grey a-sexuality is where sexual attraction is very rarely felt and demisexuality is where sexual attraction is only felt after building a strong connection with a person. So even within asexuality sexual attraction does exist, albeit in more limited circumstances than the rest of sexual society (And regardless even in the lower end of the spectrum an asexual might still agree to have sex with you! We can be very open minded.) A relationship is not determined by how sexually active a couple is, but more the feelings between them, certain feelings, certain behaviours and attitudes are classified as romantic. I feel that intimacy is not limited to sex, nor is it something that aces reject, we still have non-sexual intimacy, each in our own ways, just like everybody else does. Some of us like kisses, some of us like cuddles or holding hands, like in any other relationship. So when people ask “What makes your relationship different to a friendship if there is no sex?” other than the fact that sex can be a factor if we so desire, why should there be a line dividing friendships and relationships? Why can’t we be friends with our partners and still have a romance and fall in love with them? I notice people in sexual society are very defiant to accept asexual languages and identities as a whole, even beyond the question of what makes our relationships different from friendships. In amongst the asexual spectrum people refuse to accept the existence of the grey areas in between, they claim that demisexuality and grey-asexuality alike and refer to demisexuals and grey-asexuals as “Special snowflakes” or “attention seeking monsters” on the grounds that we try to force ourselves into the LGBT movement solely to gather a feeling of uniqueness and to grab as much attention as possible, which in my opinion is absolute bullshit. I think people question our identity and refuse to accept it, not because they want to feel superior or because they genuinely frown on our identities, but because they don’t understand them. The ideas of asexuality or an entire spectrum of asexuality is a foreign concept to sexual society and therefore the majority of people will struggle to accept due to being unfamiliar with it, in the same way that people are afraid of the dark or even homophobia, which also came about due to unfamiliarity, but over time has become more widely accepted, in fact in many countries gay marriage is becoming legal.
Despite whatever reasons people have for rejecting and questioning asexuality it still isn’t acceptable to say that we don’t exist, that our identities are nothing more than a ruse to assume a role in a movement that has a large following and thus achieve attention. On the internet on various websites asexuality is discredited, and despite being told we don’t exist, that we’re “Special snowflakes” or that we’re “monsters” we will not be pressured into associating ourselves with a sexuality that suits them, we are not sexual and therefore will not identify as such. I will not change who I am, I will not pretend I’m something I’m not and I certainly will not change my lifestyle because it’s not a common ideology. There will always be people who reject asexuality, as there will always be people who reject everything, but to you people, you are entitled to your own opinions but you will not strip us of our identity, you will not force us to change, you will not bully us and you certainly will not force your opinions on everybody else while maintaining ignorance. If you wish to oppose our identity and sexuality at the very least do it with an informed opinion and a structured argument as opposed to the typical “You’re just a special little snowflake looking for attention” with no knowledge about us, our sexuality or your own personal reasons for rejecting us."
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Re: Hey friends

Post by Halfling on Fri Apr 04, 2014 2:40 pm

Wow, I like your article which I found quite complete. I can relate a lot in it, since my relationship is quite particular and I used to say to my boyfriend that I felt like we were like "friends" or "roommates" or "an old couple" because sex wasn't a part of it. That shows how much the pressure of "habits" is tenacious.
Just few things I'd like to say, as a positive/constructive criticism :
The ideas of asexuality or an entire spectrum of asexuality is a foreign concept to sexual society and therefore the majority of people will struggle to accept due to being unfamiliar with it, in the same way that people are afraid of the dark or even homophobia, which also came about due to unfamiliarity, but over time has become more widely accepted, in fact in many countries gay marriage is becoming legal.
Is that grammatically correct ? I'm not in the best position to judge as I'm not english-speaker, but it seems to me that it should be "homophobics" and your sentence let presume that "homophobia has become widely accepted" where I guess you wanted to say that homosexuality has become widely (more) accepted, am I right ?
It's confusing^^

About the article, I'm not sure it's the best idea to end it with that kind of terms. It could be received as aggressive and hostile. It's like all the article is really open and the end close every possibility of debate or discussion. It's like : you're in no position to tell us what we should do so just shut the fuck up and let us be. :/ It's like you're saying every one who don't understand/know about aces share the "special snowflake" way of thinking.
Well, I'm not sure I'm very understandable, but maybe it could worth it to stay cool until the end. Or finish on a more positive-peaceful way ? Hearing criticism won't help people to change their mind and open them more. I think it would do the exact opposite : confort them in their beliefs and shut their willingness of understanding, you know what I mean ?

Last thing I wanted to add, when you say
I certainly will not change my lifestyle because it’s not a common ideology
, I feel a bit ill at ease, because I don't think a sexual orientation (or identity) has anything to do with "lifestyle". It's no "lifestyle" to be gay, or to be ace, or to be trans. It's not something we choose (to be / to do..). In my dictionnary, a lifestyle is something you choose, something on what you've got control. Like it can be a lifestyle to live in the streets, or to de ecologist, it can be a lifestyle to spent every penny you earn in clothes and shoes or in big fancy cars. But I don't consider that sexual orientations and all aren't "lifestyle". That's why it bothers me when I read it.
And saying that "your lifestyle" is not a "common ideology" mean that it is an actual ideology. Just not a common one. But one anyway. And once again, I think it can be really confusing and deserve what you wanna say here, because if you say that sexual orientation (or whatever asexuality is considered as, since I'm not even sure everybody consider it as a "sexual orientation") is an ideology, that mean asexuality is no different than abstinence. Abstinence is what I would call an "ideology", it's something one would choose to do, due to a religious ideology, morale ideology or Idon'tknowwhat. Ideology is a great mislead here I think. I would rather say "I will not change who I am, I will not pretend I’m something I’m not and I certainly will not change how I feel/am just because it's not : very known / very widespread / like most of people are ...
Exactly like I would say for instance : "I'm gay and I can't and won't do anything about it, only accept it as I would everything else and live & love the way it makes me feel well-adjusted cuz I can't and won't change who I am." Smile

Hope I don't sound too "annihilating" cuz it's not my intentions at all. I really like what you said and how you said it. I just tend (in life, generally) to focus on things I don't like/I don't think would work and point them to find solutions... sometimes forgetting first to say that the whole thing is a great idea/project/work etc. ^^"

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Re: Hey friends

Post by Lims on Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:42 pm

Thank you so much! This is absolutely the sort of feedback I needed :DI'll make the changes as soon as possible :)Thanks again buddy :3
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Re: Hey friends

Post by Halfling on Sun Apr 06, 2014 4:42 am

You're welcome, I'm glad I could help. Hope others will soon give you their feedbacks too ^_^

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Re: Hey friends

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