Threads to start: a to-do list

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Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Aisling on Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:32 pm

Here's some things I can think of off the top of my head that might end up in a subforum...
Defining gray-A
Defining demisexuality
How to tell if you are gray/demi - and not ace or sexual
What exactly is sexual attraction like for a gray/demi and does it differ from a sexual's sexual attraction in any way
"Coming out" as a gray - is it important? How to do it?
Visibility for grays and cooperating with aces and other groups
Where do we fit in the spectrum - "levels" of grayness
Dealing with "boundaries" - understanding a gray has limits, where they are - not necessarily just in relationships (ie, limits with libido, sexual attraction, etc)
Explaining grayness to sexuals and that it's not full sexuality and why
Explaining grayness to asexuals and how it's not really all that sexual
Helping repulsed grays who want to try to work past it to be comfier with themselves
Helping people feel that it's "okay to be gray" and they don't need to be perfectly ace or perfectly sexual
How do we fit in with the LGBT (since asexuals worry about this a lot, is it "easier" for grays?)
This is a quote from Birdwing of AVEN; I hope she won't object to me using it here, but I'm trying to collect all the potential bits of information that would help me make this forum better for its denizens.
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by ratherdrinktea on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:07 pm

This sounds like a good list bounce I think I can help with the first two alien <---I dunno why I wanted to be green while saying yay Razz

Since I can't link to the avenwiki, look up grey-a and demisexual on there and you'll find some definitions. We can probably work off of that ^_^
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Aisling on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:10 pm

*laugh* Awesome, and yes, we can work off the AVEN definitions... but I also want us to develop our own, with the most precise wording that can be had. The ones already there have problems that cause major misunderstandings in discussions with sexuals.

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A
Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled "grey" in some countries) area between them. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:
do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture
experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
are functionally asexual and experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them
people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances
people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others
Some people choose to identify with the gray area, even though most AVENites would consider them asexual, because they prefer a narrower definition of asexuality than AVEN's. For example, an asexual with a sex drive who prefers the nonlibidoist definition of asexuality might identify as semisexual rather than asexual.
Similarly, some people who might technically belong to the gray area choose to identify as asexual because it is easier to explain. For example, if someone has experienced sexual attraction on one or two brief, fleeting occasions in their life, they might prefer to call themselves asexual because it is not worth the bother of having to explain these one or two occasions to everyone who asks about their orientation.
Terms

The most common term used to refer to the gray area is "gray-A". Other terms that have been used for the gray area include "hyposexual", "demisexual", "semisexual", "low sexual intensity", "asexual-ish", and "sexual-ish".
Some of these terms refer to specific parts of the gray area rather than the entire gray area.
Hyposexual can be used as a catch-all term for the gray area, but in standard medical parlance the term refers to a sexual person with a low sex drive.[1] This can be a lifelong condition or occur because of stress or changing hormone levels. Most professionals consider hyposexuality a sexual dysfunction, but on AVEN the consensus is that, like asexuality, it should not be treated as a disorder if it does not cause the hyposexual person any distress.
Demisexual is used, generally, to describe people who only experience sexual attraction to a romantic partner or partners.[2]


http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexuality
A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone, often (but not always) in a romantic relationship. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to (usually in love with but sometimes feel strongly as friends) someone else, the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.
When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.
According to one hypothetical model, a person who identifies as a demisexual does not experience primary sexual attraction but does experience secondary sexual attraction. In this model, primary sexual attraction is based on outward qualities such as a person's looks, clothes, or personality while secondary sexual attraction is attraction stemming from a connection, usually romantic, or from status or how closely the person is in relationship to the other.
Though factors such as looks and personality do not affect primary sexual attraction for demisexuals (since demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction), such factors may affect romantic attraction, as with any other orientation.
"Demisexual" is also sometimes used as a synonym for some other kind of person falling under the gray-A umbrella. Demisexuality differs from gray-asexuality in that demisexuality is a specific sexual orientation in between "sexual" and "asexual", whereas "gray-A" is a highly unspecific catch-all used for anything between sexual and asexual that does not fit.
Demisexuality may make forming romantic or sexual relationships more difficult for some people. Demisexuals often make first impressions with sexuals of being "just friends", which may make the sexual value the relationship less. Demisexuals often have rocky relationships with asexuals because the demisexual's feelings may become more sexualized with time, which the asexual may find inappropriate or unexpected. In either case, having a better understanding of one's own orientation and how it differs from one's partner's orientation may help facilitate communication to clear up misunderstandings.


These are a decent basis from which to start. Smile
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by ratherdrinktea on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:29 pm

Sounds good. But be warned these definitions may show up in the avenwiki...like almost as soon as they appear XD Some of us have wiki editing powers :p
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Aisling on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:34 pm

Once we develop definitions that a sufficient number of our members consider satisfactory, then by all means post them on AVENwiki. This isn't about who can sound prettier... it's about getting the most precise possible definition, for the sake of visibility and understanding. Smile
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by hexaquark on Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:11 pm

Tegid wrote:Once we develop definitions that a sufficient number of our members consider satisfactory, then by all means post them on AVENwiki. This isn't about who can sound prettier... it's about getting the most precise possible definition, for the sake of visibility and understanding. Smile
Absolutely this^

I signed up specifically to say: please please edit the wiki. I’ve tried to improve the demisexuality article and have done minor edits to the grey-A page based on what I read demis and greys saying, but I am not grey-A, so I’ve been reluctant to make many changes. Sometimes I hear demis or greys complaining about the wiki without offering critique and it drive me insane because anyone can edit it if it is inaccurate. Most people who hear about grey-asexuality and demisexuality are referred to those pages at some point; they are the most popular pages on the wiki after the main, and they should be as clear as possible.

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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by ratherdrinktea on Wed Sep 07, 2011 6:29 pm

hexaquark wrote:I signed up specifically to say: please please edit the wiki.

We're on it, but it may not be extremely soon. I know arca and I have the ability to edit the wiki but I'm hoping to get more community involvement with some of the definitions before doing any more major revisions. I'll probably start on those threads once we get a bit bigger so there can be more perspectives on definitions
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by hexaquark on Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:59 pm

ratherdrinktea wrote:
hexaquark wrote:I signed up specifically to say: please please edit the wiki.

We're on it, but it may not be extremely soon. I know arca and I have the ability to edit the wiki but I'm hoping to get more community involvement with some of the definitions before doing any more major revisions. I'll probably start on those threads once we get a bit bigger so there can be more perspectives on definitions
You are Tea on the wiki right? You and Arcanine have been doing a good job with editing lately.

There isn’t a rush; it is definitely something that takes time and input if you want to do it right. It just saddens me when people say that something misrepresents them, and then they don’t at least say why. Anyone can sign up and do some editing, and the more people that are editing, the better the wiki will be.

Or, in the event that anyone out there reading this is not able to edit for whatever reason, you can PM hexaquark on AVEN or here or Apositive and eventually I will see to it if your suggestion is something that is reflected in the community (e.g. I'm not changing the asexuality article to read "asexuals are sexually attracted to everyone" if you get my drift Wink).

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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Pan Boleyn on Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:01 pm

This is an old thread but I wanted to add that, as a demi, the emphasis placed on romantic relationships, even though the definition does allow for friendship, kind of bothers me. It could be that friendship has triggered both strong and fleeting physical attraction without romantic feelings for me, but it just seems like an unbalanced definition. I think making it clearer that 'emotional bond' doesn't always mean romantic is a good idea. The way it's phrased now, the idea of deep friendship causing a demi to be sexually attracted seems like an afterthought, something possible but unlikely. Which doesn't seem to fit, from my perspective. Cutting out the parentheses and just saying that emotional attractions can be romantic or friendship-based would be enough, I think.
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Midnight Lady on Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:26 pm

Don't they say that demis can also be romantic, demiromantic and aromantic??? and then hetero, homo, bi, and pan???
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Aisling on Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:47 pm

Don't worry about necroing older threads; any posting is an increase in forum activity, and as a result, we welcome it. Smile

We agree wholeheartedly that the current definitions need to depart as soon as possible from the assumed 'emotional connection = romance' position that is currently being taken on AVEN and their wiki.

It's also worth noting that there is also greyromantic / grey-aromantic, not just demi- etc. Smile
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Pan Boleyn on Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:35 pm

Heh. I actually just joined AVEN and made the edits I wanted to see; I happened to look at the page for gray-a and their demisexual reference, and then the actual page, and just went... "OK. Enough."

Oh yes, I do know about the grey pages; I just don't feel quite as qualified to discuss those definitions or what needs to be fixed about them since I identify as demi rather than grey-a.
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Jenna Vain on Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:34 am

I still don't understand what "asexual-ish" and "sexual-ish" mean. Could somebody explain it? When we can use these words?
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Re: Threads to start: a to-do list

Post by Aisling on Thu Aug 16, 2012 12:29 pm

"ish" is a modifier in casual English that indicates uncertainty or lack of intensity.

To say that you are "asexual-ish" is saying that you are somewhat uncertain about your orientation, and that your asexuality might not be as thorough or profound as that of another asexual person.

Essentially, "asexual-ish" = "at least slightly asexual, but I'm not totally sure of that."
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