I think this is the answer

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I think this is the answer

Post by TottWriter on Fri Sep 27, 2013 7:44 am

Hi.

I came across this sit after googling a term someone used in a discussion thread on another forum. They described themselves as demisexual, and while I'd never heard of that term until I saw it there yesterday, I think it comes closer to describing me than anything else I've ever seen.

I'm not entirely sure if I "fit" the criteria, but I've always wondered why I was so different to my friends and most other people I know, so I thought I would join and introduce myself and see if this is me or not.

I'm 26, and last year I left my husband, who I had been with for six and a half years. It was seven years by the time I moved into my own place this autumn. He was my first long-term partner, and I have since started a long-distance relationship with someone I met via Skype. (We've not met physically yet, so obviously it goes with all the usual caveats of caution.)

When I was a teenager, I never had "crushes" like pretty much everyone else I knew. I went to an all-girls school from the age of 11, and everyone else, it seemed, liked this pop star, or that actor. They had "boyfriends" seemingly for the purposes of holding hands and snogging, chosen based on how "fit" they were, and it used to baffle me. Why kiss someone just because they looked a certain way, when they all seemed to have obnoxious personalities based on the stories I heard about them. I couldn't see the point. The idea of kissing someone really put me off. Then and now I hated romance scenes in films where actors kissed. It just makes me feel awkward.

I can remember being 15 and knowing that I wanted a partner for an emotional connection. Someone I could be comfortable around, someone who "got" me. I had a very sheltered childhood and not many friends, so when I did have my own sort of "crush", and it expressed itself as basically a desire to know people and be comfortable talking to them, I passed it off as just being lonely. There was a girl in my class that I used to think about a lot, but it was never sexual in nature, so it's only been the last few years that I've looked back and wondered what my feelings really were. She was someone I knew, but not all that well, but she was friendly, and cheerful, and she fascinated me.

When I met my now ex-husband, I talked to him first - a lot, concentrated into a couple of meetings, and then he made a move on me. The physical sensations were nice, and I liked him - we had 'clicked' personality-wise, but I remember more than once looking at him when I went to meet him and realising that I didn't find him physically attractive, which I would start to forget as we got talking again. I'd never had a serious relationship before him, so I wasn't really sure what was right or wrong, and by that point everyone I knew had a boyfriend, and I think part of me wanted to be "normal".

I left him in April, having said I wanted a separation last November. For those last few months we were together, he didn't seem to accept that I could not want him any more, that my attraction to him had evaporated. He kept telling me there was something wrong with me that it could go, that you don't just wake up one morning and stop seeing someone as sexually attractive. Except, I kinda did. Maybe not overnight, but it went pretty quickly once I fully realised he wasn't the person I had thought he was. And I spent months thinking maybe there was something wrong with me before I started to make my peace with it. So hearing about demisexuality was something of a lightbulb moment for me. I'm not sure if that is me, but it's the closest "match" I've found yet.

TottWriter
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Join date : 2013-09-26

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Re: I think this is the answer

Post by Nia Onyx on Wed Oct 02, 2013 1:20 am

I'm not 100% sure myself that I fit the description either. I just remember when I finally figured out the definition that I felt both a sense of triumph combined with a sense of relief. "I'm not alone!" Because if it is defined than it's not just me.
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Nia Onyx
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Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 34
Location : Ohio

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