Is this Demisexuality

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Mon Aug 26, 2013 1:36 am

I'm not talking porn, just any tv kissing and sex related things in general.

I know that asexuals and demisexuals still can watch this stuff and enjoy it etc.


But When I do, any subtle (very subtle) oohhss I feel aren't really to what I am seeing, or that persons body,

But me thinking about similar situations with my partner.

Is this what most Demisexuals feel out there?


WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 4:34 am

Hi Wolfrunner Smile
I can't tell for others, but well I feel the same, yeah. It's the thought of the situation (sometimes even without my partner, in my mind/fantasies, but not with someone in particular. It's really more a conceptual situation thought than a concrete one) and not the view of (naked) people having sex or in sexual situations. But I would think it's the same for a lot of people, not only demis.. Since well, seeing people having sex or being excited etc would make them think about their own experiences and then their own pleasure/excitement. Don't you think?

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:24 am

Hmm.. I suppose that is true.

I just don't really know if sexuals feel, I don't know more sexual things?

~~ warning TMI

Masturbation does nothing for me. It's a little ooh, more of a why am I doing this faking sorta thing. like I could live without it. But my partner says she feels great pleasure.

I haven't really "gotten there" in sex either...


Sorry if that's TMI

Is this sorta what other Demis feel?

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:51 am

Again, I can't tell for others, but well, I do it since I had my first sexual experience (or should I say : when I discovered for the first time sexual pleasure). Unlike a lot of people I think, I had to discover love first, and well, sexuality in this context, to feel the need to "feel that again", even when I was alone. I think (but I may be wrong) most people discover masturbation first, then have sex for their first time, later...

So, well, I masturbate, and I like that. But it's better when it's with the one I love, of course. Maybe you're in the "grey area" in this matter ? Maybe you'll know better when you'll get there sexually with your partner ? (if I understood well Mad)

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:50 am

Perhaps I should have rephrased that.

My partner and I (who I love immensely) have and are sexually active with eachother.

I just don't think I've orgasmed. Though I also hear thats a lot of people.

I just feel she has greater pleasure during sex than I do. But maybe this isnt cause I'm demi?


I guess I did it the other way around. Sex first, then what I would consider (like actually recognize) as masturbation.

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Sun Sep 01, 2013 4:47 am

I just simply enjoy touching her more possibly. Even just thinking about it gives me chills.

Not that I don't enjoy it. I want it.

But I love pleasing my partner more.


Is this making any sense to anyone? Is this waaayyyy too much information then anyone wants?

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Mon Sep 02, 2013 3:47 pm

Ho f*ck, I replied to you saturday but my post must have been lost somewhere whil I thought I had sent it ><

I'm sorry I didn't understand well what you were saying. My mistake! I can't say for sure but I wouldn't think the "lack" of orgasm comes from being demi. But I can't say for sure. I think I have orgasms, I feel the climax thing and all, but I also think my boyfriend's ones are greater than mine (and waaaaay more quick and easy to come o_o). I don't think it comes from being demi, because for me it's not related with libido, sexual excitement and all. It's more like a physiological and/or psychological stuff, and even that I can't say for sure...
But well, I know I'm not really confortable with what I have between my legs, and I know that with my first love, I enjoyed pleasing her way more than being ... "pleased" (well, tried to...). In fact I only enjoyed giving her pleasure, it was easier and seeing that in her, on her, was just soo beautiful.. With my actual boyfriend, it's quite the same, I love watching him getting high from pleasure, that's priceless and I think that's amazingly exciting too. But I like to come too.

When you say : "Not that I don't enjoy it. I want it. " Do you mean you want to enjoy it or you want to be pleased too when you make love with her?

I have a friend who love having sex (and just for play, she's faaaar from being anything like demi haha) and she told me she loved that but to get an orgasm she must do it herself then. I think the way your partner know you (and your body) might help a lot to be able to reach orgasm. My friend don't have a really regular sex-partner which would take the time to know her body and know how to please her, I think.. So with time maybe you'll be able to reach that, even if I guess the way it works for you is totally different than for my friend. But well, just to say it may happen with time, patience, and.. practice ? ^^ And people aren't equal with this kind of things..

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Mon Sep 02, 2013 4:16 pm

Haha technology.

I figured it wasn't really from being demi.

Exactly what you said, I get an extreme high from pleasing her. And not to brag I know how very well. It seems you think sort of the same I do, it's a great high pleasing my partner and in a way, I like it better. But I imagine every sexual partner loves seeing their partner in that state. I know she does me.

I guess I want both, sex and to be pleased. Perhaps it will just take more time? Or maybe it is bigger than being demi and I do need more help... as she's suggested..

I hope you don't mind, but what do you mean by "you aren't really comfortable with what you have between your legs?"
I just want to understand better before I jump to some conclusion and make a awkward reply haha.

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:20 pm

I think looots of people like being pleased more than learning how to please their partner (except if this is seen as an achievement/performance -_-), unfortunately...

Maybe you do need "help" if it bothers you too much, but you should be careful not to put on yourself too much pressure about reaching orgasm, for instance, since it won't help you to be relaxed enough to actually reach it :/

I'm a trans-guy, and what's between my legs isn't exactly how I wish it would be ^^' So it's not always easy to be able to forget it. And I guess (or should I say, I know) it can play a part on all that. In my case.

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:29 pm

Yeah I was trying to convince myself that wasn't the case..

It's not so much that I can't orgasm.
It's more like I feel as though I am missing something... and not sure what... As well as my thoughts seeming to be waayy different from others in general.
Though it seems as though our thoughts are sorta similar..

It's just that it's hard to say "Im not broken" when you can hardly find anyone with the same views.

Ah I see. That must be hard to ignore let alone forget.
:/

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:52 am

I think you can find on the internet people who experiment the same difficulties, thoughts etc, easily. People who can't reach great pleasure too.
There is one thing too, maybe you already thought about that but well : Don't you think maybe you get the same kind of thing but without feeling it the same way ? I mean, for instance, you fall and bruise your elbow. Maybe you will get up fast and do as nothing had happened, but an other person who would have fallen the same way on the same elbow would be crying and feeling a great pain.

I mean, maybe you don't enjoy sex as much as your partner, but you still enjoy it, the way you do, and being comparative isn't automatically a good thing, don't you think ?
I know it's easier said than done, but well.

I know I can feel a bit... envious sometimes, because when my Boyfriend and me are having sex, he can come sooo many times, and me, in comparison, it's really harder and if I can come two times in a row it's like, a miracle lol. Him, I can make him come 6 times in a row, it's kinda supernatural I think lol. So well, sometimes I wonder if I'm not kind of broken too you know. But maybe my body is just not connected the same way his body is.

Being trans made me realized of the incredible power of the mind.. and imagination. lol.But yeah, it has its limits ^^'. And it requires from me great concentration and well, maybe that's why it's hard for me to let go.

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Tue Sep 03, 2013 1:47 pm

So far haven't found anyone on the internet.

Again you bring up great points. Honestly you are quite a voice of reason. Razz 

But I don't like the idea of just "getting up and walking away" from sex.

I do enjoy it, occasionally. And your points also make me wonder if I should just stop worrying about what I feel and accept it for what it is.

Envious. Great word choice, yes envious, jealous. I am a bit jealous that my partner is more sexual than I am. Everything seems so easy for her, and even though she says I indeed get wet, aroused, etc. I just know and feel it is different, it's not the same. And I am trying really hard to get that way. It is upsetting to have to think of yourself as broken or connected differently.

Maybe I think too much during sex. You are supposed to let go but not be super relaxed I don't know lol.
Maybe we should both start thinking less and feeling more.

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:27 pm

Maybe we should both start thinking less and feeling more.
Yeah I think that's a great start ^^.

Why would you say it's not the same for you though ? You mean you're aroused but not as often as her? or that being aroused require more "work" from you than from her ?

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:34 pm

I guess that it requires more "work" ?

And then when I am aroused, or think I am, and ready for her,

i barely feel anything.

Bleh. Razz 


Maybe if we both just stop thinking it'll get better with time?

Patience is a virtue haha.

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:12 pm

It won't hurt to try ^^ I hope it'll get better for you with time and yeah, patience.
It can take time to allow oneself to be feeling instead of thinking, and let go. To be able to do that, my always-thinking-of-thousand-of-things-at-the-same-time-boyfriend tried to concentrate on what he could feel, closing his eyes (we used restraints huhu) and letting the sensations take over his mind Smile It worked for him. So, I dunno about you but maybe something could work for you, you just need to find what it is. Smile

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by WolfRunner on Thu Sep 05, 2013 12:29 am

Really!? Seesh now it's happening to me I could've sworn I replied to you!

Maybe I do need to find what it is,
Ah well.. Perhaps I'll know with time, or further counseling/research will help.

I wanted to say thanks ^^
And that I hope everything works out for both of us.

If you ever feel like talking bout anything or want a pen pal hit me up!

WolfRunner
Active Member

Posts : 14
Join date : 2013-08-23

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Halfling on Thu Sep 05, 2013 12:41 pm

You're welcome, and I keep in mind your offer ^_^

Halfling
Conversationalist

Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-01-31
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Is this Demisexuality

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum