A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

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A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by WolfRunner on Sat Aug 24, 2013 2:59 am

Hello, I have just recently discovered that I am both gay, and possibly demisexual. All of this happened within a span of around half a year. On top of dealing with the new emotions of being gay in a not always acceptable world, this demisexuality is really scaring me.

For one, I am not even sure if I am demisexual, which I know is not something you can tell me. I have never felt sexual attraction towards either gender before, and didn’t realize it before my wonderfully awesome girlfriend. (sorry couldn’t resist)
I never knew if this was because I didn’t to go normal middle and high school, (I was online) or if it was because everyone felt that way. That’s why I also can’t relate really to seeing your friends get interested in sex. But when family would make jokes about anyone I liked, “Meet any boys? Interested in anyone?” I was completely honest when I said, No.

I have never really had sexual attraction to actors and actresses either, like I know why people are attractive, but that’s it really. I never understood sex obsession, why people would do it so young or so much with so many different people, or why it was so hard to not do. And always thought you should wait till that one person. In fact, sex anything in general makes me cringe or jump. I don’t get jokes all the time, I never thought I would have it or want it. I thought I would just adopt children, not find someone, and die a virgin. Haha. And the topic overall makes me very jumpy and aaahhhh why.

Now I do have someone, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, adopt children with, and this topic in it’s various shapes and forms is generally not uncomfortable with my partner. Wink

Technically we moved pretty fast, what was even weirder is neither of us knew we were interested in the same gender or each other. But that’s college for you. And being in college has made me realize that this different outlook I had on sex (and me thinking I just wasn’t like the normal sex driven teen) is actually very very different from other peoples views. And of course as many of you probably know.. I don’t know if I am experiencing sexual attraction as no one can really describe it. But I feel I do with my partner… only.

And even though the demisexuality scares me… I hate being not “normal” (I know that’s a horrible thing to say and I want to feel it is normal for me) and there are still things I am struggling through… and I don’t relate to exactly everything (who does though) I still feel like this term may describe me… My girlfriend is very supportive, and that helps. But I am still trying to accept this of myself and see if I do fit. I’m terrified of describing it to others, if I will have to at all, and I’m worried one day I won’t feel that with my partner…

My question is, I’ve only really found three really good articles on the topic. Everywhere else is forums, blogs, tumblrs, or copy and paste of the wikepedia.
What I am looking for is support, more articles, not all tumblrs, and just things I can look at, possibly relate to, and eventually accept about myself, and wondered if you had any advice or leads.

And to add to all of this, I have only ever been both sexually and emotionally (I don’t believe I actually had any “crushes” not like other people had them) with my one current partner (I like to say mate ☺️ ) So this makes everything else highly confusing to me, as I don’t really have anything else to compare it to.

Thanks,
Confused.

WolfRunner
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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by Aisling on Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:44 pm

Unfortunately, there isn't a great amount of online literature about demisexuality, and even less about demiromanticism and the respective grey-a spectra. Our recommendation is this: read around the forum here, and start asking specific questions: do you experience this? Does that sound familiar, or off the mark? Etc.

You'll get more and better information from the responses of the group than you would get from any article written from only one perspective, anyway.

Above all, please remember, the demi label is here not to pigeonhole you into its boundaries, but simply to help you describe and understand yourself in terms you can accept. It isn't there to call you "not normal," because there is no such thing as a "normal orientation" or a "normal relationship." All relationships and all orientations are dynamic and evolve as the individual evolves.
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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by WolfRunner on Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:51 pm

Thank you,

I think I am slowly feeling better about the label. I feel I can accept it.

I will look around here more and try to ask some questions.

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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by Nia Onyx on Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:14 pm

If it helps, I tend to think of any sort of orientation or attraction as a definition to help you not feel alone, not a label. You are not defined by it, it should explain you (preferably in terms others can understand). If you change, so can the words you use to define yourself.
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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by WolfRunner on Tue Aug 27, 2013 4:20 am

Thank you that does help..

Now I am just trying to find out more about describing myself and not being alone..

I think I may be demisexual now I just have to find more answers to my questions Smile

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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:16 am

Welcome here WolfRunner. Others have helped you already on the "normal/not normal" feeling ; I would simply add that not being like the majority of people doesn't make someone not-normal. It can maybe make one "special", but not "not normal". I can understand the willing of being "like others" (what we call "normal", but well, I'm sure no one around are "normal", or if so, everybody is :p), but well, it's also really boring, to be "like everybody else" (even if it's only an expression, as no one are alike...).
I would say, in fact, that being "different from the majority" is.. normal. ^^

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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by WolfRunner on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:20 am

Thanks.

See, I've always tried or prided or wanted to be different from everybody else.

I guess my sexuality wanted to help in that ! Lol

Now I'm just looking formore experiences and answers


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Re: A Possible New Demisexual - Want Help, Opinion, And General Advice

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:56 am

Hope you'll find that here, along topics and interacting with us Smile

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