Help me with understanding?

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Help me with understanding?

Post by thisisarihat on Sat May 04, 2013 5:38 am

My boyfriend has never found anyone physically attractive, ever. He has only been sexually active with his partners but even then he has not found them physically attractive. He says he has always been this way and hasn't ever found anyone 'good looking' or appealing to look at/physically attractive. But he can tell what kind of people society finds attractive but he himself does not find these people attractive, he just knows what people society are into. I know that he isn't a-sexual because we have been sexually active, we have been best friends for 4 years and have grown up together and so we have a great emotional connection and bond. Please help me understand this and if this is Demisexuality?

thisisarihat
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Re: Help me with understanding?

Post by Halfling on Sat May 04, 2013 8:30 am

Hi,
I can't say for sure but I wouldn't call this demisexuality. In fact, I'm not sure to understand fully what it is about. I mean, Do you make a difference in your statements between "finding people physically attractive" or "good looking" (it could be two different things, to begin with !) and "being sexually aroused by someone" ?
For instance, I can find people good looking without being sexually aroused by them or willing to have sex with them.
I can also find people not particularly beautiful/good looking and being able to get some close emotional bond which could turn into love (and then sexual attraction). But most of the time I find them beautiful too lol. (I guess this subjective point can evolve with the feelings involved)

Here, it seems your boyfriend doesn't find people beautiful, good looking. It's totally an other thing, even if he's maybe also demi. His previous partners was always his friends first ?

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Re: Help me with understanding?

Post by thisisarihat on Sat May 04, 2013 3:48 pm

when I say physically attractive I meant, as in 'good looking' 'hot' 'pretty' 'appealing' and cannot be sexually aroused by anyone but someone he has a strong emotuonal bond to. His past partners were always his friends first and he cannot have sex with anyone without a strong emotional bond.

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Re: Help me with understanding?

Post by Halfling on Sun May 05, 2013 8:26 am

So he may be demi. But the fact he can't find anyone "beautiful" or at least to his taste doesn't seem demi-related to me. :/

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Re: Help me with understanding?

Post by thisisarihat on Sun May 05, 2013 11:04 am

i think that he is definetely demisexual because he cannot experience primary attraction and can only form secondary attraction with someone he has had a close bond to

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