Kakelle love you all :3

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Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Mon Apr 22, 2013 1:19 pm

Hi everyone, I'm Claudine from Canada. Nice to meet you all! ^^

I only recently discovered what asexuality was, along with the term demisexual and grey-sexual. I realised I was most probably a demisexual, but since it's so new for me, I'm trying to find people to talk about it. If, by any chance, I was wrong, well... I'll be an allie! Very Happy

It's a bit hard since my family isn't really open about that. That's part of the reason why I decided to register here, I would like to have support for it. Embarassed

So, thank you very much! I hope to have a great time here.

ps: you can call me Coco, if you want. In fact, everyone I know call me that. :3
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:03 pm

Hi Kakelle, welcome here Smile
What do you mean, your family isn't really open about that ? They don't understand/care about demisexuality or they have a problem with it ?

See ya Smile

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Mon Apr 22, 2013 5:57 pm

thanks Halfling!

What I mean is, some members of my family are homosexual to start with, most of them don't like the fact of bisexuality, so if I had to tell them I am demisexual, they would probably be freaked out.

Also, I've been diagnosed of severe depression recently, so if I had to add anything else, I'm not sure of what could happen. Sad

They are loving people, and truly care about me, but they wouldn't help me at all for this. ^^'
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:22 am

But being demisexual doesn't mean you're not straight, so.. Well, if you're not straight, that's more the fact of being bi/pan-sexual which can be a problem, rather than the demisexual thing, don't you think ?
Well, safe here to be whatever (and whoever) you are Smile

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:05 pm

yes, I see what you mean, but that's actually the problem. I found about asuality and its spectrum when I realised I might have more than friendship for my best(girl)friend.

It's more than friendship, but still, I didn't want sexual relation with her. It's something really really strong, and it's confusing as hell. @_@ I could do anything for her, and I actually do anything for her. ^^' I try visit her even if she lives at 8 hours from me, I talk with her everyday, I always text her, I cheer her up, I try to make her see how wonderful she is...

I'll never tell her how much she actually means, but she knows that she's really special to me. She's straight, but she never had a relation with anybody.

*sigh* seriously, I feel like I'm a mess sometimes...
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:30 pm

Why would you be a mess ? Smile
Maybe you need more time to analyse yourself and know if what you're feeling is like... "sister-soul" (non romantically/sexually related) which is quite more than friendship, or love, as "romantic love". And it's something hard to listen to ourselves without all the barriers we put on our thoughts, feelings and all. Hard to be honest sometimes ^^

My first year in highschool, I had a friend, I'd begun to know the year before. We ended up in the same class, and with noone but.. stupid people -_-. Well, no need to say we were together like, all the time.. And I was attracted to guys (at least I thought so), so she was my best friend and that were it.
One night I had a dream in which she kissed me. I woke up reaaaally confused, because the simple idea of being intimately involve with her just never had crossed my mind before that dream... And when I saw her at school the morning after, I realized how pretty her smile were....... oO .. It was like "wtf, what am I thinking of, all of a sudden oO?!"...
I will spare you the story after that, but when she came on to me, I became aware of her own attraction toward me. I didn't expect it at all, but, well...

All this to say : You can't tell about someone attraction. I thought this person was hetero, she was not (I'm trans and wasn't out at this time.. and she later told me she's attracted to girls -_-). People put themselves in "safe" boxes, to reassure themselves, to feel like "belonging" someplace. But boxes aren't hermetically closed. so who knows ? Maybe this girl feel the same way about you (maybe she's as confused as you are, maybe she's not confused at all, maybe she's in love with you, maybe she didn't even thought about it.. maybe if she begins to think about it, she wouldn't be against the idea of having you as a girlfriend, maybe she would..

I understand why you don't wanna talk to her about that, that's - of course your decision and only yours. But at the same time, if you realize you really are in love with her, I humbly think that.. well, you have only one life (unless you're a cat ? Are you ? Is that nice Very Happy?) and love isn't something which can be found at every corner, especially for demi ! ^^'

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:23 pm

yeah, well... I wanted to tell her about it sometimes ago, when I went to see her during my ''spring break''. I stayed at her house for the whole week, so I thought ''hey! that would be the perfect time to tell her about it and try to find things out!''

but the day I arrived, she told me she had a crush on someone in her class. So, instead of freaking her out and maybe mix her feeling (at best), I decided to help her with this.

Strangely enough, it doesn't hurt, or disturb me to see her falling for somebody else. When she tells me something cute that happen, I'm trully happy, and I feel butterfly for her.

It happened almost the same thing with my ex. We weren't together anymore, but we still see each other often. To be completly honest, we had sex two times after we broke up. He's the only one I had sexual attraction after my puberty, and he's still my bestfriend and all. But he always speaks with me about the girl he wants to date and I encourage him about it.

raaah! Love and sex and life is confusing as hell! OTZ It's like, I only wish those two are super duper happy, and thaqt makes me happy at the same time. Q_Q
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Wed Apr 24, 2013 11:53 am

Whats OTZ means ?
Hum it's nice you kept good feelings for your ex, and that's great you can be happy for your friend. But I don't know if living vicariously will bring you happiness... :/ You have to fill your needs too, you know.

I thought I had a crush on one of my friends, some years ago. I think I was beginning to fall for him but since I knew it wasn't going to be mutual, I managed to move on rather quickly, in order to spare me the bad feelings >_> But if I had keep feeling this way for my friend, I think I just would have had to tell him :/ Or do something.
Maybe you don't have to but it seems to bother you in some ways so... what do you think you should do ?

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:44 pm

haha, I'm sorry, OTZ is smiley, it's a person on it's knees. ^^'

Well, for now, I'll take care of my health, it's my #1 priority. My depression sucked almost all my energy, and I had to stop my studies because of that. Sad

After that... I would like to meet new people, try new things, see new places. I, too, need to move on. I know my bestfriend will never return my emotions, and soon, she will be studying in Japan for university. I already feel a bit lonely now. ^^'

But! I don't sound like this right now, but I'm someone who really enjoys anything, so I'm sure I'll be okay. I've been through much more difficulties, and I'm still here, smiling and laughing. ^^ So, bring it on!

Thanks a lot, Halfling!
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Wed Apr 24, 2013 3:13 pm

Haha I had to watch on google-image to understand where I could see the guy on its knees in the "OTZ" xD (I use this one, japanese version : m(-_-)m )

Anyway, I could see you were a rather happy person, beginning with the title of your thread ^^ it's great that you're willing to move on and meet people. And to see things a bit brighter : You're lucky to have such real close friends Smile I guess they're people you can trust and that's kinda rare these days... ^^

The only thing I find a bit depressing, I speak for myself of course, is the fact that, well, sometimes I feel depressed thinking that if I wanna find someone to love (well, I've got a boyfriend but before that, and if we broke up..) it would need a lot of energy.. to meet people, to get to know them, to like them, to be able to love them, and, the ultimate miracle : to be loved in return, after all of that @_@
Just the thought of having to spend YEARS to meet people (well, I'm not a very social guy... not to say "not at all") and get to know them -__-, I feel already defeated, or at least disheartened.. :/

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Wed Apr 24, 2013 11:51 pm

yeah, I know. I get a bit depressed...erh... down, when I see couples. I just...*sigh*... I'm begging to be in love, honestly, but when I feel that someone is flirting with me, it disgusts me. I'm like ''can we be friends first and enjoy chilling with people?'' and they are ''ASDFGHJK FRIENDZONE=NO SEX!!!!'' so I just give up. ¬¬

Did you ever met someone that understood and accepted your situation without feeling like it's a problem? Or did anybody here has? Reading about it would be so nice...
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:33 am

I can't say someone did understand my situation as I didn't really talk about it with anyone... But when I thought I was just being sooo oldschool because I couldn't want to have sex if I wasn't in love, my sister told me she felt the same way and I think her boyfriend too. I could ask him lol to know but I don't know is this mean they're demi too. But I guess you have to know people before falling in love with them (and, then, wanting to have sexual intimacy with them).
I talked about it with a friend, before knowing the "demi" thing, and he understood me I think, but he himself has a very odd view of sexuality ("odd" comparated with most people). I think he's kind of asexual or somewhere around there. We didn't talk about that.

I've got a friend which is very very sexually active, and she told me it was "sad" (in her point of view lol) but didn't see it as a problem... I think it was hard for her to understand how it was possible, but well, she didn't say anything bad about it. After all, I may have a LOT LESS of sex than her, but unlike her, I reach quite great orgasm when I do, so, quality isn't better than quantity ? ^^"

Did you talk about it with friends ? What did they say ?

edit : I'm sorry, I've got the feeling that I'm jabbering about my life all the way long but that's because that's the only think I can speak about, in that case, so.. :/ Hope it doesn't bore you.

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:45 pm

No, of course not! I actually enjoy reading what you've been through! I see I'm not the only one, and it's great! Very Happy

I started to speak about it with some friends, a couple of my age. They are really curious about it, espacially since they are quite sexually active. The girl is like ''wow! that's awesome! I wish I was demi too'' and the guy said ''but if it's beause you don't have enough hormones, you just have to take more hormones, no?''

yup, true story.

But they understand it's not curable, and that it's not a choice. I told them about the community and the forum, and they are happy I trust them for that. They did say they thought it was sad, but I just said it wasn't since I don't feel the need to have sex, so I wasn't missing anything. ^^

Except for them, the only other person who knows about it is my ex. It explained what happened between us, and he was happy I told him, even if he's sad about it... I think...
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:49 am

Haha, the hormon thing is quite funny. You know, as a transgender guy, I saw what hormons could do on my sexual drive/libido. And well, male hormons does actually something, most of the time (so, not for every trans guy..!), but it doesn't affect at all the "need" to build a close bond with someone before ever thinking of having sex with. I guess it just increase the frustration of "needing" to release the sexual tension inside along.. But that's all. ^^

I think one of the great things about being demi, is that as we don't get involved in one night stands and all, we are much less exposed to all the STD ! (Except if our lover sleep with others and all but, well...)


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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:03 pm

For real? That's really interesting! Very Happy I explained my point by saying this kind of hormone is released in the body when there is an ''attraction'' to someone, but you don't choose the people you are attracted to, so it wouldn't be ''right'' to do it, and probably impossible to predict what would happen.

I really understand what you mean. One of my cousin got some...unpleasant problems, because of that. ^^'

I talked about that with someone else in my family, an other cousin, wich is most likely asexual (more than myself). We couldn't converse that much, but again it was really fun to be able to talk about it. :3 Next step: my sisters and brothers. Final step: my mom...
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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Halfling on Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:21 pm

Yeah, your explaination is quite good too ^^

I wonder : Why do you feel the need to tell it to your mom ? (I mean, you're going to talk about the demi thing right ?) I ask because it just never crossed my mind to do so with mine. ^^

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Re: Kakelle love you all :3

Post by Kakelle on Wed May 01, 2013 10:06 pm

My mom is... someone precious to me, even if it happens I really hate what she does or says.

When there is something really important in my life and she doesn't know about it, it's like I'm lying to myself...I don't really care if she approves what I say or not, just talking with her makes thing easier.

I guess that's the magic of moms and dads, and since she's the only parent I have, she's the only one who can do that magic on me.
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