A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

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A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by SlippingStar on Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:47 am

If you mean it in the sense of having an attraction to a person's GENDER and NOT their sex (So __romantics), ignore this question

I've seen many people refer to themselves as homosexual/heterosexual/bisexual/etc demisexual people. This confuses me, because the whole thing about demisexual people is that the body does not affect their attraction positively or negatively, it is the person inside. All sexual people are affected by it, in some way or another. Mind you, sexual attraction does not mean you want to bed a person, it just means they arouse you without knowing them. So maybe they/you mean __romantic, or you have a very low sex drive?

I wouldn't mind people descibing themselves this way if it didn't confuse the definition and communication, as well as spread confusion among non-demisexual people when the term is so young.
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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Halfling on Thu Jan 31, 2013 2:42 pm

I don't know if I fit in your description but, I refer to me as pansexual. And by that I mean I can be attracted by somebody's body (haha), no matter how it is. But that occurs after I feel attraction to the person inside.
For example : I can see a guy, thinking "wow he's so cute" and willing to know him (that doesn't often happens like that but well..). I won't want or imagine having sex with him but I can appreciate what I see. Well if we happen to become friends and I fall for him, then I would certainly have a boner sometimes, just by looking to him. I could refer to myself as gay. Because I romantically fall for guys most of the time, so when I'm sexually attract, it's logically most for guys too... But it doesn't mean I would have sexual drive to guys I don't know.

Hope I'm not too much on the wrong track here :/ If it's the case I sincerely appologize for all this babbling ^^"

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by KokoroComplex on Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:13 am

I say hetero-demisexual. I know I'm not completely asexual, so, until I meet "the one", I won't be heteroromantic forever, but I'm not heterosexual currently, so I just say hetero-demi

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Halfling on Thu Mar 14, 2013 1:46 pm

I find it interesting that the order can change with the degree of words' appropriation. (sorry for this ugly sentence), thanx for sharing..

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Aisling on Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:38 pm

I have a group of four people who are emotionally close enough to me that I'm able to find them attractive; one of them I see as a sister, and the two men involved I am very attracted to... but with the other woman involved, I have a fairly weak sexual attraction, despite having a really strong platonic and romantic connection (and this is reciprocated, and about as weak a sexual attraction for her as for me). Both of the men have really stereotypically masculine body types and facial features, and my personal aesthetics gravitate toward them, even though I also find the women extremely pretty. The men also reciprocate my strong attraction.

I think for me, I'd go with 'demi-heterosexual' at this point, but on a conditional basis. If my female romantic pal was more strongly sexually attracted to me, and the men less so (or if the guys were just plain not in the picture), then lacking any comparative competition for aesthetics and sexual attention, I'd probably be more attracted to the woman... but as it stands, the guys just downright come off as more aesthetic to me, so I'm more drawn to their particular physicality, and since the romantic bonds are already firmly in place, this gravitation translates into sexual attraction, for me.

Finally, at this point, I've also had enough sexual experience to know that I generally prefer bedroom activities as associated with cismales (so far), and I'm biased toward my long-term partner, so that certainly impacts any sexual desire that would result from sexual attraction: my aesthetics point toward a potential attractor, and my libido verifies, "Yes, that would be enjoyable, and we're already even comfortable with that person, yay!"

In summary, no doubt there will be a lot of demis and graces whose sexual attraction, if/when it happens, will bias toward a given sex... and I think this bias will tend to occur on a variety of factors, including what we are raised to consider appealing and aesthetic, what sort of things we might already know we enjoy for sex, etc. This isn't so different, in the long run, from having a bias for partners with a given physique, eye colour, accent when speaking, preference of activities, or other factors which impact how they appeal to you in different ways: your brain will call your attention to things you especially like, not just calling attention to everything evenly.

-Asher
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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Nia Onyx on Mon Aug 26, 2013 4:19 pm

I am very close to considering myself a Demi-sexual/Pan-sexual. However, I have only been sexual partners with those of the male sex, mostly because they complement my personality more. I do have a preference for a build, and two of my best friends, both female, share the same build as both of my previous partners. My first partner has since become a trans-woman, my second is now my fiancé and he considers himself cis-male. One of the females I find very attractive is cis-female and taken. The other is female and pan-sexual. She says that the fact the gender is not part of the equation for what I find attractive that she would call me pan-sexual as well.

I see Demi-sexual/Gray-asexual/Asexual/etc. more as levels below the perceived norm of sexual attraction. While Hetero-sexual/Bi-sexual/Homo-sexual/etc. are the subjects of said sexual attraction. For me, it is two separate spectrums, and only an asexual who doesn't experience any sexual attraction at all would not have a Hetero-sexual/Bi-sexual/Homo-sexual/etc. preference. That lack of a preference is often why asexuals are thrown in with the Hetero-sexual/Bi-sexual/Homo-sexual/etc. as having no subjects of sexual attraction. So, Asexual is a term that can fit both the level of sexual attraction and defines what subject is sexually attractive, "none" being the answer for both.

So my answer is: If there is sexual attraction, there can be a gender preference.
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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:07 am

Nia Onyx, I find your second § really just and clear. I totally share your point of view.

About the first one, I'm kind of confused (or tickled) by the following sentence but mostly on a "word choosing" basis :
"he considers himself cis-male"
. I can't see how someone can "consider" him/herself as cis. People are either cis or trans, that's not really (in my opinion) a "consideration" kind of thing.


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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Aisling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:08 am

Maybe it's more along the lines of, his maleness is what he is "considering," and not his cis-ness.
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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:18 am

Yeah but cis-male is by definition a "male whom gender and biological sex are the same", so....

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Aisling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:20 am

So... where is the reading comprehension not working on your end? Smile As I said, the gender is under consideration respective to the sex, not the other way 'round.
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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by Halfling on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:55 am

Hum, maybe the language is confusing me ^^". Being cis, by definition, means he considers himself as male, as the gender assimilated to his biological sex/assignated at birth. So saying that he "considers himself as a "cis"-male" seems to me like a pleonasm.

But well, it's not a big deal, I have some issues with the accuracy of speak. ^^'

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

Post by CoeliacChicakaMM on Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:32 pm

I don't think being demi sexual is low libido. I had no interest in sex till I made that connection with my boyfriend, after we met I found out I can have a very high sex drive! It was a complete shock!

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Re: A question for demisexual people who also identify as __sexual as well.

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