Demisexual question?

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Demisexual question?

Post by birdsanswings on Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:48 pm

Hi! I'm new here. I have a couple of questions, I was hoping you all could help me with.
I'm female. I have been attracted to women since I was really young, 6 or 7 but due to my mother's view point, I was "meant to be with men" because that is what society said. For years I identified as bisexual, I was with men to please my mom but I would secretly be with girls. I met a guy who I felt very comfortable with from the start and ended up losing my virginity to him. About a year later, I had sex with my best girl friend who I had been friends with for years prior. I made out with women, which I greatly enjoyed over kissing men. I ended up sleeping with two men about 3 years ago, but I developed a bond with them before. To be completely honest, I don't like being with men. I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't satisfied from being with men, but 6 months ago...I finally came out as gay. I have never felt more myself in my life. I appreciate men and their looks, but I want to be with a girl. I have no sexual attraction to men, no desire to date a man. Now here's where I need help..I went on two dates with a girl before she was pushing me into sleeping with her. At first, I thought "oh, awesome, sex!" and within minutes I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want it to happen again...and it got me thinking. I talked with one of my ex girlfriends, and she said "maybe you are demisexual"...can I be demisexual and gay? I thought demisexual was kind of like...bisexual or pansexual...as in, either gender, but you had to form that bond to feel sexually attracted to them. Am I wrong? Can I be demisexual and homosexual at the same time?
Thanks for listening.

birdsanswings
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Re: Demisexual question?

Post by Shakta on Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:33 am

I don't see why being demisexual would preclude being gay. It seems like they're two different axes. Like a square graph.

So, if orientation is one spectrum, (axis A) ranging from completely gay to completely straight, you'd fall on the gay end of the spectrum.

Desire would be a different spectrum (axis B), ranging from asexual where the emotional bond doesn't induce desire, to pansexual with no emotional bond needed.

At least that's how I visualise it.

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Re: Demisexual question?

Post by Aisling on Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:32 pm

Shakta has it right on the mark: you can be demi-homosexual, for instance, meaning that you are demi in terms of how you become attracted, and you are gay in terms of whom you are able to find attractive within the scope of being demi.
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