My story and a warning to others

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My story and a warning to others

Post by Jenna Vain on Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:10 pm

I would like to share my story for two reasons. Firstly, it's a big problem for me now. Secondly, I would not wish it on anybody else, so I advise you to be careful.
I'm demisexual, however, in the past, I used to identify as asexual because I didn't know the term "demisexuality" and then it was easier to explain - as far as I know, the second one is really standard for demisexuals. I've been openly asexual, spreding the word about asexuality.
I had some kind of sex with someone with whom I share no emotional connection. The reason was just different. Don't ask... pale Believe me, I had to explain myself so much. So the person told many people, who we both know, about what had happened and started to boast, you know, "I slept with her!", adding "She lies! She's not asexual!". Now there is one, maybe two, who believe me. I've got no solution because even if I told that I'm demisexual, it would not matter because I'm not close with the person. I'm trying just to live my life as before but still everyone is coming back to this issue, asking, making allusions suggesting that I lie... I can't stand it.
This is a little silly story... But It's really mentally burdensome for me and I wanted to tell anybody about that and just to say: be careful who you trust and what you say about your sexuality.
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Re: My story and a warning to others

Post by Aisling on Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:11 pm

So sorry to hear you had such an awful series of experiences; thank you for sharing your story with everybody.
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Re: My story and a warning to others

Post by Jenna Vain on Wed Aug 14, 2013 4:41 pm

Unfortunatelly, I have another story. I've been a guest at a TV program. I can't talk much about it because I signed confidentiality agreement. The subject was asexuality. There was a sexologist in studio who told me: "You are not asexual" because my first sexual intercourse wasn't the best and I rarely masturbate. It hurt even if I know I'm demisexual. Anyway, I felt like a heterosexual who was seriously told that they are homosexual. What is more, the doctor said that probably something bad happened in my life that stopped the development of my sexuality. I'm sure he's wrong. Moreover, it was a diagnosis. I haven't agreed to a diagnosis. He is bound by medical secrecy and shouldn't say things like that. I think he violated my personal rights and more harmed than helped. Now, everyone will think I have a disorder or I lie.
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Re: My story and a warning to others

Post by Aisling on Thu Aug 15, 2013 1:11 am

This is certainly a significant violation of professional ethics on their part, and an important warning for anybody else who earnestly believes that they can help the community by making television appearances at this stage in human social development.

The sad truth is, any show that asks you as a guest is probably looking for a cheap novelty which they can present to the public as a freak show, and in order to achieve this, they intentionally seek out any underrepresented or socially marginalized group of people they can find. The Internet makes this even easier for them, since it allows them to follow the rise and fall of trends of awareness. Anything related to the ace spectrum, polyamory, or any variants in identities, orientations, and relationship types, are pretty much the easiest prey to this type of sensationalist media: the members of these groups go into the situation wanting to raise awareness and present positive role models of their communities, and their interviews are 'creatively edited' to only depict them in the worst or most confusing possible ways. The individual thinks they will be explaining the community for the cameras, but the editors will generally spin that community as the latest "disease" or "threat to the sanctity of marriage / tradition / gender conformity." Most won't say outright that we are these things; rather, they will ask the audience, "What do you all think? Is this group of people a dangerous fad?" They get user responses, post them in subsequent shows, and the hype they created carries its own momentum indefinitely; by the time it wears off a little bit, the damage is already done, and the community in question is viewed as a source of ridicule, and not a statistically significant part of the population who are otherwise mentally healthy, capable, productive individuals who are fully capable of determining their own boundaries and consent.

I'm sorry to hear you were brought into such a situation, Jenna. Thank you for sharing.
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Re: My story and a warning to others

Post by Halfling on Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:05 pm

Hi Jenna, I can relate on the "judged as a liar" thing when it's not true, I can't bear this kind of "injustice" too...
I guess people should understand that being asexual (or demi) doesn't mean "no sexual intercourse at all", because well, there are plenty of reasons why people could "try" (or do) it... To please a partner, by fear the partner could go away if there's no sex involved, by force or by fear of being treatened etc.... So, well, I don't know how you could explain that to the people who call you a liar, without talking about the details that obviously you don't wanna share. There must be a way to make them understand it anyway, don't you think ? ... Or maybe they're just dumbasses and well, in this case you can't do anything I guess >_>

I hope you'll manage to feel better about it. And about the tv experience too....

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Re: My story and a warning to others

Post by Jenna Vain on Mon Mar 10, 2014 6:51 pm

Tegid System, you're absolutely right. I thought that it will be a good occasion to say something about asexuality and explain the subject. I was incredibly shocked when, at the beginning, I saw my most controversial words on the screen used to display text for the speaker. I just got to know what it all is about.
Halfling, unfortunatelly, you're right too. They are dumbasses. Well, I'm a person who is not very well-liked among any community. That's because the manifestations of Asperger's. Some people just enjoy an occasion to laugh at me or to show that things I'm proud of are the stupidity or untrue. And they do this. I think they don't know how much it hurts me. They behave like they don't know that I even have any feelings.
Seriously, I've gone through hell. I've afflicted so much cyber-bullying, even not from the people who don't know me but from the people who were close to me in some way.
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