Sorry if you had to answer this before, but I just heard of this "demisexual" term?

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Sorry if you had to answer this before, but I just heard of this "demisexual" term?

Post by KokoroComplex on Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:49 pm

So, what I understand of demisexuality is not being sexually attracted to someone you're not emotionally attached to.

I am a heterosexual female. While I can notice attractive people and feel this secondary attraction, it's never sexual. Actually, fantasizing about a crush, some hot guy in the streets, or even a very attractive celebrity sexually is just really weird to me. Sometimes so weird to the point it is a turn off (am I the only one who gets weirded out by seeing a famous attractive male in a sexual setting?). Though, I do have fantasies and I can get aroused by sexual materials (i.e pornography) and I think my sexual libido is pretty normal. I just thought a lot of people were demisexual, so I didn't know there was a word for it.

The one guy I want to be with, at least in a relationship in which we are sexually active, we have to feel in this moirail, "soulmate" type relationship (sorry to go all Homestuck on you, it's how I can best describe it for myself.)

Moirails: Your soul mate in a non-romantic sense. You cannot live without this person; they complete you. They balance you. You would be lost forever without them. Moirails are not just "best friends". It's so much more than that. Moirail is the ultimate bond that you can feel with someone.

Does that make me demisexual, or am I just waiting? I haven't had a crush since high school, and for my next term, I'll be in my second year of college.

Is demisexual more than just, "looking for the perfect one?"

And by secondary attraction, I mean I develop a crush, but I want to be able to express my true self with someone and be really comfortable about it before doing anything else.

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Re: Sorry if you had to answer this before, but I just heard of this "demisexual" term?

Post by veronicaab on Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:59 pm

Being demisexual and waiting for the right person are different things. Someone who is just waiting can experience sexual attraction toward people they may or may not be emotionally attached to. For a demisexual, it is not possible to be sexually attracted to somebody they have no emotional connection with.

If you aren't sure because of arousal by porn, you may want to consider what exactly you like about it. If you find pleasure in their bodies, I would guess you aren't demi. If it's something else, like the idea of sex/being pleasured, you aren't necessarily feeling sexual attraction toward these other people.

You may also keep in mind that your sexuality could have changed over time, or it could very well be the same. And if you're still confused, it might help to try to distinguish your romantic orientation from your sexual orientation. It certainly helped me be less confused, although I still don't think I've got myself totally figured out. Anyway, good luck with everything!

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Re: Sorry if you had to answer this before, but I just heard of this "demisexual" term?

Post by unpolished_pearl on Sat Nov 10, 2012 2:22 am

If I may, I'd like to piggyback on what veronicaab said and add my own two cents.

Personally, whenever I'm watching/reading porn, I do get aroused but it's more the idea of what's happening than anything else. It's extremely rare that I find another person attractive so the visuals usually do nothing for me at all. So I had that bit of confusion as well, but I blew right past it once I figured out what, exactly, I enjoyed about porn in the first place.

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Re: Sorry if you had to answer this before, but I just heard of this "demisexual" term?

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